The world goes on behind my window
I stare out into the suns glare
I wrap myself around my thoughts
and all that I have sought
do I still care?
I am broken beggar
trying to get a leg up
sometimes I want to say
words of meaning
am I still dreaming?
my hearts soft like paper
sometimes it’s hard like a diamond
fashioned with pressure and heat
sometimes I play my songs on repeat
hoping to make my way to someone’s smile on the street.
I bow to the dark
sometimes I look to the stars sparkling in the sky
sometimes I want to die
but I realise life is short
and I love my friends to much to make this life end
so my epitaph will say I loved until my world drifted away
but I left you my words and that’s more than ok.
You can’t imagine my dreams
you can’t think like me in every way
I am unique, I pave the way
I maybe distant
I sometimes let loose
my fears and anger prangs
like a car hitting a wall
but I hold as much truth as you all
See I am schizophrenic
I hear voices
But don’t despair
I see choices
they hang in the air
I have been broken
I don’t expect you to always care
I doggedly battle on
Cause I still know right from wrong
even with whispers and shouts in my mind
I fight to be human and to be kind
Though I suffer with paranoia
the darkness which destroys
I love life enough to stay here and not be destroyed
so don’t have pity
Let me speak and write and sing
because I know sadness is a painful muse
but creativity is my thing.
Yeah they hate you if you show them no love
yeah berate you if you say you’re sent from above
I cannot prove my stories, my history
but if don’t believe in feelings you won’t believe in any mysteries.
I didn’t come here with complex equations
I didn’t come here to rule nations
I just came here to bring love and sell insurance
I don’t care if your heart is pure
I just want you to believe in more
That love goes beyond good and evil
It is the creative force that informs all
The storm that breaks the trees branches
gives the rain that waters it’s saplings
I cannot teach you how to learn
how to feel
but the chances are you know love is real.
I come from
A lost home
my psychosis at 16
two years of hell
Dad and mum threw me out
My roots broken
Then Living in hostel
With Creaking fire safe doors
council estate yellow bricks and concrete
Dirty mirky stained glass windows
looking out on the world
Not a church
where I would fashion ideals
But a place I could be at peace and reshape my soul
Even in a place which had a
scent of old burnt out cigarettes
Smokey stained furniture
like an old fashioned bed and breakfast
The kitchen smelt of convenience.
Packs of chicken and beef super noodles
Boiling in a pan.
This is where freedom started
Hope in the darkness
Grey days but sometimes occasional sun
Dance music blaring from my boom box
a CD player in my room
chemical brothers basement jaxx tracks
Paper and pen
I still loved a girl called Becky
who didn’t love me
I gave up,drinking as my mental health was suffering
Giving up the poison
for my own piece of mind.
Under cover running from the law
with my lockdown lover wanting more
It started with zoom chats
and synchronised watching of Netflix films
then we fired up the kiln
No social gatherings
my life is unraveling
this was before we were allowed a bubble
I knew she was trouble
when we started this fling
now it’s become a thing
Skype and zoom
our love bloomed
but then we wanted to meet
I snuck round her house
she wore a sexy lingerie
but someone dobbed us in
as they heard us causing a din
So now I have been fined
but at least her heart is mine.
Do vampires get tooth decay?
Do werewolves get fleas?
Do zombies have to use prosthetic knees?
Do fairy tale princesses always say please?
Can witches have white weddings?
What do mummies have for their bedding?
Do Orcs have to shave?
Do angels ever misbehave?
What is a goblin’s average height?
And do ever they get tall?
Do giants ever start off small?
I’d like to ask these questions
If you have some thoughts or suggestions,
Please get in touch
My address is;
1 The Wizards tower
no where to sit
I write thrift shop poetry
so I can be with you
for writing graffiti all over my wall
some beggars stand tall
amidst the rubble
some people like power, I admit it’s trouble
I want to set sail
find the holy grail
but she’s already found
I want to sing songs make sounds
I want to kiss her pursed lips
but mad quips make me a fool
I just drool
but pennies fall down wishing wells
I yearn for her voice it’s all I hear
but in the door way to other worlds
I may find her
or a kinder version
it’s the waters the cup of immersion.
when you begin your journey,
start with hope
when you build your castle,
start with hope
when you plant your tree,
start with hope
though the night may draw in
and you may lose sometimes
and bruise your skin
remember that hope
and don’t cave in
when you’re at a disadvantage
like when I was born with blue feet with the chord wrapped around my neck
when people said I’d never amount to anything
because they respected my mental health diagnosis more than me
they didn’t see the hope inside my heart
start with hope
that’s the only way
to fight on in darkest of days.