In this aching

In this aching

waking dream we live in

I love you is hardest thing to mean

I wait,

but waiting has no solace

my heart I polish for you

but will the stains wash out?

I won’t doubt you are worth it.

Reaching me through the void

and shadows

I cried out to you when they held me down

In the A and E ward I told them who you were

But like big cats don’t always purr

you are something to be worshipped

glorified and feared

If perfect love has no fear

it is love that has been realised

and actualised

I wait in the shadows

dancing in the dark

love is the flames not just the spark

to light my way…

Raised by cartoon heroes

Here’s a hand here’s a slap

here’s life without a map

parents too busy discuss

never mind get to know their children and trust in them

stem the flow.

I was raised by cartoon heroes

and superhero shows

and the games I played

sonic on the mega drive I never strayed

from their ideals

but my happiness was stolen

by those who created my tears

I missed out on my parents knowing what I could have been if they had of listened through the years.

Disability

Tired in the daytime after having a good nights rest

being tested all the time by voices which are more than a pest

depressions iron curtains are coming down again

I am in the Misty mountains of pain which I climb daily

and my assailant is attacking me with delusions and fearful paranoia

I think the only hope is to battle with things that can destroy yah

I can sometimes withstand

But the terrible gravity of situation is hard for me to even understand…

If I wasn’t depressed

I’d launch myself across the room

to collide with your lips

put my hands around your waist your hips

If I wasn’t depressed

I enjoy the simple things

a paper crown would make me feel like a king

I’d wrap up myself with smiles

I’d dress with style

if I wasn’t depressed I’d sing

songs wild and free

life would be love and not the sting

Of fear.

Schizophrenia

This dreaming is dark

But I won’t lose my spark

sanity is a perspective

I don’t stand for the collective

the curtains I sit behind are walls

the fractured voice of someone I love calls

and tells me she hates and berates me

in the darkness of my mind

her unkindness

blinds me.

Binds me to the certainty that life is unfair

will it ever be repaired?

The stigma attached to me lies

the fire in my heart won’t die

and maybe I enlightened or frightened

of this form

since I was a daydreamer, after I was born

the storm of intrusive thoughts

the delusions in which I am caught

and I will argue that the stories I tell myself are yours too

you just aren’t boogie man blue

You think we are different

I am just medicated and irreverent

to this constructed reality

which you think is concrete

but where angels fear to tread I won’t retreat..,

Expander

Merging images

Refracted kaleidoscopes

love is time

and time is movement.

I am the places,the faces

of the extraordinary

Interacting on your soul

the way the singing bowl hums

and the waveform on your tongue

I am expansion of your cells

and your soul which dwells

in the cave of the overmind

The collective consciousness

breathing

the water seething seeping and flowing

the eyes which see into the all knowing

I am the light

which goes on

Burning

Your guide walking and showing you the way

it might be late in the day

but I am you and you are me

Music is magic

even the fire dances

to its song

it’s with you I belong.

Fighting myself

Fighting with myself

Broken limbs

cracked sin

ripped out heart

my brains strewn across the pavement

I refuse enslavement

I maybe depraved

I am a mad messiah

I graffiti my messages

On your Facebook wall

stand tall

because I won’t be a bore

Love is the law

A statement from my heart and jaw

Which Daniel will you choose

I am the punch and bruise.

Lockdown loner

Alone in all this

is a devil’s deathly kiss

the silence is terrible

this isn’t bliss

it’s the opposite.

The composition

of terrible dreams,

yearning for vaccines

and cures

longing to be with her.

But knowing silence won’t speak

and won’t brush the tears of my cheek

my only way out round my Dads

But we are all sad

separation

saps us and our frustration

talks in to us in the dark

and nightmares come to claim our spark

the uncertainty makes its mark

and the only joy I can gain

Is giving Christmas presents in my pain

to children I hope I will make feel better

and the light of their smiles will free me

and will feed more than Christmas food.