Just thoughts

Thoughts

Thoughts should fill my mind

but I am blind.

my words just hot air

and my tears just water

I sink beneath the autumn leaves

I am just caught here.

my sentiments just cliches

my ideas yesterday views

the true artists leave me

they pick apart my clues

My brain just wreckage

my poems just spoken

all thats left of me is shopping carts

and Tesco’s tokens

My wages are benefits

My unemployed gains

I am picking apart the drains

for my blood stains

everything I do

I haven’t even got a clue…

War on myself (reverse poem try number 2)

In the war on myself

Its my dreams that matter

compassion is a choice

I choose to believe or is it that a lie?

In my 30 years or so of life has always been a battle

But my dreams matter

and that “Once upon a time” is a land where my heart exists

But unless I grasp at my ideals I will never reveal

What people think of me

I do love me

In the future I will still take myself to task

It will be clear that I may fail

only fools presume I don’t have the strength to go on.

NOW READ BOTTOM TO TOP.

Chemical lobotomy

Inside therapy if I ever had

an answer to a life so sad

in the mirror cold to the touch

we clutch at straws, we miss so much

I am your answer for now

chemicals causing balance

but still the illness wakes

shakes in answer to the sadness

which I cannot shake

I am the mist the fog

of depression

the court is in session

and I see chemicals

a prescription

an covert addiction.

When having someone to talk

to in the early days

May have prevented my fear and depressed ways.

Hallucinations

Hallucinations in my mind

carelessly unkind

stories in time

lies told

the truth smeared like ink

the pen tangled with delusions

confusing skin

I close my mind you enter in

the night howls

I cower

hour by hour

will the sky fall

I dream for us all

or it seems that way

I hallucinate a story

I cannot tell

my own personal hell

and yet heaven resides in there as well.

Truth and life

Sadness doesn’t stain skin

or truth pierce a heart

but I reckon you will feel sadness is life’s art

and contrasting happiness

although not merely pain alleviated

I meditate,

I mediate

between the angel

we try to be

and the devil

who’s eyes we see in the mirror

the constant battle

between letting go

and belonging to the life you know.

All we needed was love

You ask the devil why she can’t save the world

the silence is wounding.

It betrays

slays the meaning,

driven home.

Is god into much of a coma

to answer from his throne?

Alexandria defender of man

The woman who said she was the devil

Who won’t reveal her pain

Only the scars on her wrist

All you needed to save the world was love

Like the scars told me.

god dies

Sectioned and arrested for telling the police you thought you were Jesus Christ

life is mad no need to look twice

god dies at 16 without a wife

he kills himself in metaphorical death

living his life as someone else bereft

Of the life he should of led

why do anything dead body but be what’s left?

the only difference between god and devil, is choice?

left alone with a shadow self’s caged voice

life hits like a tidal wave

and it’s a close shave

that no one can save

I am the choice the blade

cutting myself to fit in

rubbing out what I have written

Equally cursed as blessed

the rule of three undressed.

and under stress.

This poem was written from experience of mental illness and psychosis. I believe as pieces of this kaleidoscopic universe we our all God or gods and goddesses in our own right. That may put me at odds with science but that’s what I believe that we are the universe experiencing itself in various depths and levels.