Loneliness the beast feeds on my confidence
until all have is insanity
I will hold it back with words driven home with meaning
maybe I will be dreaming
a better a life
maybe I am reaping what I have sown
but I will not believe in fear I love myself and own all I am
I am the shadow and the light
and I will fight until my hands wither
and I grow faint
I will ignore the loneliness and it’s taint.
Police tape around skate parks
the way we avoided each other even before it got dark.
the panic buying of toilet rolls
The dull days inside, just one stroll allowed
the clapping for the nhs workers outside
the way the community came together
Somethings we should treasure
The video calling and time spent playing PlayStation games
The constant news feed and shaming of people who weren’t isolating
The time spent within our houses grating
cause of the sun shine outside
but we are still alive
we will fight on regardless…
Sitting in the darkness of my nan’s cupboard under the stairs talking to god
an odd little boy
Who wanted his dreams to matter
Who wanted them to be true
I needed love but I need my beliefs to be real too.
my life’s foundations aren’t love as they ought to be
but wanting to have a special relationship with the creating force or spiritual entity
or maybe to be special or chosen myself
I am the monster who daydreamed blue skies
but when the light in my eyes dies
who will I be?
the man with tears in his eyes for all he let go
the man with tears in his eyes because he never got to let his heart show
someone that they mattered above all
my heart was always a shield or a wall.,,
The damned wait for another day
to bleed all their cares away
we use hope like a light to brighten our path
but the only aftermath is frustration
we rise with the morning sun
ink our phrases on to paper
or write them on peoples Facebook walls
with our psycho babbling scrawl
we wait for the day we feel good
we should seize it all
the bad days and good if only we could
accept life’s miracles and teaching
I could be preaching
to the damned
but all I am
is a soul
burning out of control
like a seraphim
an angel watching in the dark
my soul giving off its divine spark.
Bleeding on the pavement
feral enslavement
light bringer
Who are you the king of?
tears in tear ducts
love is sometimes not giving a fuck
what people think
drink
drink in the silence
hear he voice again
the pain you feel
just the passage way of time
you were once her light that shined.
Of all the things that sting
is that I know your future life
It grates to know that I wait
for this is my last one
I am overcome with sadness I am undone
as we talk at cross purposes
What loneliness and hurt this is
I promised you that I’d wait for ever as your best friend
but love shatters like glass in the end
You are my mirror…
In side the beaten white walls of an mental institution
where people go to be uprooted from their delusions
Sat a man his hand outstretched as if holding hands with the dark
No spark to light his way, only the tragic marks his way
he used to play childish games by himself
look they say where is his mental health?
has it left him altogether why does his play childish games
he would call a name on the wind
for the child he lost unbeknown to them
Tilly or Matilda the ghost of a child of six
who he held in his arms before he was sick
she swallowed her tongue in an epileptic fit
but before then were eye spy and guessing games
before then were pin the tale on the donkey and blind mans buff
I guess we are all in a way sheltering memories like ghosts
In the places in the heart we hide
which we can never move away from no matter how we stride
or how many steps we take
life is sometimes an evil fate.
All your dreams never started
dearly departed
That’s how I felt
Kneeling on a hospital floor praying to you
to save my life
you are my goddess of wisdom
my teeth going rotten
like the dreams I had as a child
it’s heart wrenching
my parents said my psychosis
was a bereavement
the life intended, lost
I had to be mended there would be a cost
goddess of the universe, girl with many faces
I have been through a war with myself
but my mental health
is the thing I can never get back
but sometimes their are cracks of light through the wall
I know the goddess understands us all.
The rainbow becomes white light
All we love we long for and fight with
pages torn, we try to forgive
and live on.
The anger we once held
falls away in the cold light of day
We preach to the pavements
that people walk on,
they point the way
chalk quotations written on and on
can’t you tell?
Love is the only sanity
the only truth we lean upon.
Hope bends like a trees branches
but the light on the river still dances
we flow like water
whether sons or daughters
we catch the light that’s brought us here
pigeon toed we may walk
The road the pavement goes on
Serenaded by destiny’s song
we are the children of the roads
we walk.
But for every rainbow
There is a price
living each day as it comes
and fighting to not be numb
but when all is said done
We are our shades
the river water the blades of grass
heaven has always been here no need to ask
grab my hand feel it’s warmth
in the chill cold air
I know you care
when you clasp my hand in yours
I know life the great teacher will settle the scores
and for all it’s flaws
it still has the power to open jaws.
Pain maybe a certainty
but we grow towards the light
and it’s warmth
we need the cold permeation of the rain
osmosis on the brain
the flood of blood
the dirt, the shit, the mud
To have light we need darkness
contrast brings joy
thinking of male and female
Yin and yang
to love is to understand…