Inside therapy if I ever had
an answer to a life so sad
in the mirror cold to the touch
we clutch at straws, we miss so much
I am your answer for now
chemicals causing balance
but still the illness wakes
shakes in answer to the sadness
which I cannot shake
I am the mist the fog
of depression
the court is in session
and I see chemicals
a prescription
an covert addiction.
When having someone to talk
to in the early days
May have prevented my fear and depressed ways.
I am sending you my hopes and prayers
but I swear there will be no Hollywood endings
I am sending you my dreams and aspirations
born of perspiration
and tears
But there are no fairy tales here.
Set sail for distant lands
But it’s all just dust and sand
I know there is magic I heard it on the freezing breeze
in the coughs of old men
but life can’t give you a happy ending
you have to find it yourself
and accept it for what it is…
The truth
Twisted to a make a weapon for fools
perspective is not a collective entity
eventually will we see
that truth is a hydra
a multi faced dragon
but the only way to have justice
is to discover the rightful face
in the echoes of sanity
we will see the truth displayed
Hallucinations in my mind
carelessly unkind
stories in time
lies told
the truth smeared like ink
the pen tangled with delusions
confusing skin
I close my mind you enter in
the night howls
I cower
hour by hour
will the sky fall
I dream for us all
or it seems that way
I hallucinate a story
I cannot tell
my own personal hell
and yet heaven resides in there as well.
Sadness doesn’t stain skin
or truth pierce a heart
but I reckon you will feel sadness is life’s art
and contrasting happiness
although not merely pain alleviated
I meditate,
I mediate
between the angel
we try to be
and the devil
who’s eyes we see in the mirror
the constant battle
between letting go
and belonging to the life you know.
I sit and think of you
Our dates
The courting
the tender kisses
the way you are my Mrs
Our children and the way they’ve grown
the loneliness of our divorce
then I realise it’s all my mind
we haven’t even known each other that long
but in my head our connection our bond
makes we want to belong
in your life
even if it’s just fantasy lived in 10 mins
I feel like I could live a lifetime in your eyes
dreaming under starry skies.
They held me down in the hospital
I screamed your name I as the needle punctured my skin
sedated
All I wanted was love
but the angels don’t answer
they just sleep
even the demons weep
is the price too steep?
I broke into house just to talk to one of your many faces
When life is a bruised fruit
do you have the roots
like a tree to rescue me?
heaven is sunlights kiss
but I am in the dark
Our divine spark is pain.
Hope speaks
yet my heart feels
tears flow down my cheek
at least I am real
Hope or heart
to feel the pain
Or to look for the sunshine in the rain
Faking smiles
In rooftop terraces
the Ferris wheel of life
let me go off to murder my strife
A vacation for frustration
My heart is black hole
longing and empty, wilful and bold
Hope is bird singing in a distant cage
a heart is strange thing to age
with my ageing heart
I give you my wisdom and advice
but you won’t see the payment I made
the cut and paste words that shade
and shadow this page
the one I didn’t say which are hidden
But pave the way
Heart or hope
I cope and live for brighter days
when sunlight pours onto this desperate stage.
They have enslaved us
Destroy your roots
I am drug that turns on you
that burns you away
as you burn it away.
I am the family you never had
no father.
Just your mother on another planet
she made her career her aim
the lessons in school teaching just blame
I am the church of vampires
who feed off of religion
and superstition
they teach guilt
to the hilt of sword
they wilt words
of love that were meant
and taint the truth
that was heaven sent
I am the college you tried
your peers pried
into your life like gossip
now you try to fit in
but they’ve already written
your story
So beat your roots
stand tall
life maybe governed by walls
but we can still climb over
luck is not just governed by four leafed clovers
to be the change you want see
you have to change your view
set your sights on what you want
if can’t change the words
change the font
at least make your life pretty
all rewrite your story
Be the path out of the ordinary.