Tag Archives: pain
Prison of loneliness
From the lake of fire
to the snake of desire
I am lonely.
Hell is carrying around loneliness with you
it grows out of all perspective
it grows with you
it starts with a child’s heart
of wanting acceptance and love
people’s love
then it turns into anger and rage
that you cannot have those connections you yearn for
that you burn for
in later life
a maddened heart torn apart of the fear
that you will never see one person from one day to next to make meaningful conversation
that ache in your heart becomes more than a sensation
You learn that your needs won’t ever be met
that life has caught you in its net
But you are forever alone.
No one knows what you go through
in truth even if they saw your entire life
their perspective wouldn’t change
or see yours, isn’t it strange?
to be cast adrift in world that promises much
and delivers very little
hearts grow cold and brittle
and they break in many ways
Not just in half in the centre
you may plan your ventures
you may look for adventure
but your only friend is you
and love is only love if that’s the truth
The devil on a cross
The whisper of a shadow song
Morning star no glory
just a story
I am just lived backwards
hidden track words
scars like lines across paper
can I save her?
I am not what you think
drinking from a cup of agony
no God can save me
but death won’t enslave me
I am midnight verse
nails won’t surrender to my skin
the truth they told you the lies worn thin.
We are gathered here today
We are gathered here today
To bear witness
to pray for the best of ourselves
we buried
so we could fill our food shelves
and work jobs we hate
but not abbreviate
our own sadness
madness caves us in
we are lost
in depraved cravings
as another migrants ship sinks
where is our humanity
we are on the brink
of degrading and hating our own species
or has that ship sailed on its own sea of faeces
I don’t know so say a prayer
for the people we could have been
if life wasn’t so mean
and we hadn’t of adopted
and been co-opted
into ideologies of hate
as we masterbate
over our own tribal race
and forget that we supposed to love every face.
This wasn’t the life that was advertised
I am surprised
and yet lies
are a belief of some kind
they advertised this life but it has been unkind.
They teased social mobility
the agility to move into the middle class
but aspirations
fall short
they distort
where realised truths stands the door
to the psychiatric ward
where holidays abroad
stand a benefits trap
a DWP map
with no way out
I doubt
I will find a way
into a future a brighter day.
This life isn’t as advertised
through google goggles
through YouTube models
I don’t have a car
three kids and a wife
I have pain and strife
Pessimism is my crutch
no offers or as much
No one gives me a chance at a job
they just call me a benefits slob
I look after my Dad as carer
they swear yeah
even when diagnosed with a serious mental health problem
they think I robbing
tax payers
and no amount of praying
will solve
when the life as advertised dissolves.
Honesty
People don’t want truth
delusions and illusions
are more loved
more accepted
more respected
Honesty, a fools game
people douse you in shame
a repulsive mix
stick and stones
may break my bones
but words will dethrone
a king from his own throne
and people will turn away
and leave him alone
the mirror of truth is always distorted
we want to keep it that way
we aren’t objective
we want to be respected
but our public relations feed on Facebook
would bleed away if ever we showed who really are
Our fragility and our fragile ego
Break like a dropped model of Lego.
My poetry never gets read
My poetry never gets read
it hides in street corners instead
it lurks in the shadows of grey days
and seeps like a Smokey cigar out the window in a haze
It gathers at poetry recitals
where it splutters and mumbles
into action
my poetry is just a distraction
an interaction between a mad man and an audience
an ordinate scream
like pissing in a stream
and wondering what it smelt like
starving poets told to go on hikes
My poetry never gets read
it feeds the angels instead
but they don’t share
or care
enough to tell
what poetry of mine is from heaven and what is from hell.
I just like writing
poetry which is like lyrics without musical interlude
I know it’s rude but never mind you won’t read it anyway
and if you do have nice day…
Memories and the hooks of the mind
The hooks of the mind
can be unkind
they get caught in the past
in happy go lucky memories cast
in fires of joy
or they get caught in the skin
of the unkind memories we keep deep within
sometimes I want to fish with those hooks
catch memories where I want to look
nostalgic daydreams
but the present is all we really have
when we realise that memories are trying for a land grab
the fish like memories we have stored
need a sea
but between you and me and I just want to be…
A different operating system
My iOS
is analytical
my circular thinking sometimes is an ellipses
my blacklight is the moon
I sometimes feel a sense of doom
pessimistic gloom
whether I am apple, android or Linux driving this computers machine
I laugh until I scream
My search bar is Firefox
not Google
It’s has an interesting internet history
why is a mystery!
special interests
religion
Science
and philosophy
A cacophony of voices
and anxiety about choices
My App Store has flaws
is yet to be developed
my operating system
has ghost code
I sometimes have to try to avoid goblin mode
I find social stuff hard
Autism spectrum disorder
It’s hard to understand
even with AI
I know I am wired differently
I just don’t know why?
I already said I loved you
I already said I loved you
I already read the words
I already looked for answers
in the sky your heart and the free flying birds
I already grasped for your hand
I already whispered to your soul
I already took the plunge
but fell short of my goal
I already spent days with you
I already kissed your cheek
I already have your voice in my head
I already am that mad every week
the loss of you spiralling and making me sad
the chances are we will never meet again
but I am glad we were once close
I already thought about it already is my ghost…