The change from boy to man (my journey)

I remember my dad calling me a hobbledehoy

neither man or boy

teen ageing is hard
I became a wild card
bottling up my emotions and becoming unstable
I remember the good days and bad
But at sixteen
in my wild dreams
I broke down in sobs and screams
at eighteen
I was diagnosed schizophrenic
but I realise that madness is a pandemic
and most of us will flounder
in its sea of tears

I am with you

If I could cry your tears

fight your fears

if I could rattle ignorance’s cage

this would be the war I’d wage.

If I could give you back the light in your eyes

put the truth where angels cry

if I could give you the words to bring hope

I know you’d live and cope.

If I could take your violence, your silence

and give you expression

If I could take the promises you broke

and grant you the rest to be awoken

From the madness that taken your love and potential

and show you the stars shine for us all

I would pick you up from your fall

and guide you to a new dawn

for the words have been born anew

the story lies with me and you

and you can make it through

the heartache and maddening pain

you can find your rainbow in the rain.

Don’t you remember when we were kids

Don’t you remember when we were kids

when you proposed to your childhood crush with a hula hoop ring

sung nursery rhymes and pretended to be king

of a castle and that your friend was a dirty rascal

played hop scotch in the playground
and run across and TIG your it
and you ran across the school yard with glee
just because you could with me
we though it was great to grow up
but we sometimes miss those days
finger painting and art
now all we dream of is shopping carts
and money ain’t it funny
how growing up was a trap
and how we used play was so inventive
creating pretend treasure maps.

Dreamers disease

You never see my pain

behind the cold rain

I hide them all the same

A so called weirdo

I don’t choose to be schizophrenic

it’s God’s epidemic

when the cave man called to the divine

when he spoke to the trees

as gods when he believed

did you think the ones who didn’t believe

tormented him yes they probably did

but without looking outside our shell

we can’t see heaven or hell

and if you don’t look science as well.

love is more than certainty

Vampire state of mind

Is it unkind 

to say I don’t mind

at least you’d be my beautiful death

kill all of me silence my breath.

 

Everything is backwards

even the devil 

and god is a good dog

to its owner

I am a loner

with a wild heart

I was born so alive at the start

why did the sun depart from my life

now regret is my wife.

 

Tears nurture god’s plants

We want a way to cosmic balance dance

to meet our other half

I grasp the staff of pessimism 

a schism of my madness

I know I can walk

and am wild

but the child I am is a dreamer

and screaming for belonging

In someones eyes maybe I can find a home

it is no good being a king on a throne

in a kingdom with no one left

I wait for you to make peace

but there is no relief

I love you, it’s more than certainty

I spurn answers

For your answer would set me free

I love you lady you hold all my keys

I begging you please 

at least hold me in your embrace

this poem is a but words

but chords might play

if you love me I pray.

Angels bleed

Angels bleed in and around me

you ask me for sanity 

I only ask for a reason.

The place where sleeping angels lie

was it a mistranslation?

are they alive or dead?

All those angels sleeping in my head

I knit the truth from telling lies

like the stories I use to tell truth

I stand aloof.

My story an angel’s tale

illusions fail

and I flail all at sea

a sea of tears 

which has fallen from a billion eyes 

Set on the backdrop of broken promises

yours and mine

A heart bleeds divine

but like the ticking clock it has to stop

when the batteries fail.

I am old school

Listening to tunes on my CD player

I am old school I don’t need to tell yah

dance music on repeat 

the sun is up no need to sleep

drifting in a musical haze

come on life is full of care free days

at least for today

let’s get together 

feel the music flowing through our bodies

oddly enough I have dreamt about adventure 

and dancing care free 

with you is where I want to be.

The haunted man

The haunted man

Haunted by your voice
your smile, your eyes
love doesn’t come easy it’s no surprise
but if I try to court others
I will always compare them to you
I swear to you I can’t
it may link to my delusions
and there is no exact solution
except you being with me
but our story is with me.

I plough on
strength through love I am strong
but my first lesson from my uncle
was that life’s not fair
I only know that I care
for in a story love is the only treasure
it is gold
I won’t let my love for you waste away or grow cold
Because princess 6
I can’t love anyone else
some animals mate for life
at least I was your friend
but in the end the eternity ring
was not enough to keep you with me
but I still love you and can’t get you out of my head
Love is the colour it’s blood red.

Your heart is not my home

I can’t work out whether I feel upset
that I am alone
or that your heart is not my home

I screamed your name in the hospital
When they held me down
and injected me

Love never happens for me

If I could reach out for your hand
and you accepted my words and deeds

maybe it work out differently

but I am a soldier
I fight with the courage of a lion
or maybe I am still trying.