Simp-pathetic ?

I love you like you are my light and my life

wanted you to be my wife

loved you like a fetish

black like a rubber skirt

the words you say hurt

you cut my heart to ribbons

and still I am giving

my all

in your dominance I fall

I hit the wall

but I drill through

I love you I still do

but I am ruled by you

the wisest thing to do is to walk away

but I can’t eat or breathe without you

I love you I know I am no wimp

maybe I am a simp

but I love you all the same

in our deranged game.

You look at me with eyes that don’t remember

In your eyes the tragic reminder

that memories fade

into the void

and get destroyed

I loved you more than my heart conveyed

though time is a blade

it cuts out the good and bad

memories or leaves scars

the stars that aligned

now fate has mined

and we with left separated when we should have been entwined.

I miss the days

I miss the bad days

the way you hate me

your words reverberate around my head

we are still in conversation

though in my imagination

sex and beastly claws

the way you wanted more than I could give

I cannot live

without thorns a rose wouldn’t be a rose

I am torn our love wasn’t really love without pain

I am just a blood stained hand holding on

a rose

it’s thorns like all your angry words cutting through skin

love is a tragedy we are all flawed within

yet romantic attachment

when it works

can heal the heart and make it beat like it’s going berserk.

All that remains

All that remains

is the pain of knowing…

There’s magic in your skin

I want to hold you

my cold, bold heart wants to grasp

your hand

make you understand.

We are possessed by a spirit and it’s yours

for there is no cure for love

except drowning in it.

I ate an apple it reminded me of the sinners tale

but love in a garden cannot fail

if talk and walk again together

I know that the illusion of separation can be severed.

I come from a lost home

I come from

A lost home

my psychosis at 16

two years of hell

Dad and mum threw me out

My roots broken

Then Living in hostel

With Creaking fire safe doors

council estate yellow bricks and concrete

Dirty mirky stained glass windows

looking out on the world

Not a church

where I would fashion ideals

But a place I could be at peace and reshape my soul

Even in a place which had a

scent of old burnt out cigarettes

Smokey stained furniture

like an old fashioned bed and breakfast

The kitchen smelt of convenience.

Packs of chicken and beef super noodles

Boiling in a pan.

This is where freedom started

Hope in the darkness

Grey days but sometimes occasional sun

Dance music blaring from my boom box

a CD player in my room

chemical brothers basement jaxx tracks

Paper and pen

Penning poems

finding myself

I still loved a girl called Becky

who didn’t love me

I gave up,drinking as my mental health was suffering

Giving up the poison

for my own piece of mind.

Live a lifetime in ten minutes 

I sit and think of you
Our dates 
The courting 
the tender kisses
the way you are my Mrs 
Our children and the way they’ve grown
the loneliness of our divorce 
then I realise it’s all my mind
we haven’t even known each other that long
but in my head our connection our bond
makes we want to belong
in your life
even if it’s just fantasy lived in 10 mins
I feel like I could live a lifetime in your eyes
dreaming under starry skies.

There is no vending machine for love

You cannot find a vending machine for love

you cannot pretend it’s real love

My heart is on fire

is it a liar?

is all love is smoke and mirrors

if so can I forgive her

I check my change

you are everything I desire

my hearts ablaze

but is this only a phase?

love maybe a chase

but not a vending machine case

I haven’t the money to give

to choose the love I need to live

you are a beautiful woman

but I will never have you or own your soul

at least Love is fair in that respect it’s not out of control

I can put my money into the machine

but I will never be your dream.

I love your darkness and your light

I love your darkness and your light

I love your eyes your sight

Dreaming dreams showing how to fight 

a single parent battle 

rattling the cage on the stage of life

getting through having a good time

you have left me behind

But I wish you well.

There is too much hell in my thoughts

too much insanity I have been caught

I thought about us together too much

pessimism and thoughtfulness are a crutch

I miss your smile your light

but without darkness the light wouldn’t have room to shine

I would send you lines

of poetry 

you are the name of nobility 

you won’t mix

shadows can’t be fixed

I would love your naked soul

but my heart bleeds my innocence away

but there is too much left

bereft of you 

fitted out without a clue 

If I’d loved both of us more 

I would have set the fire free

but it is your soul who has my key

Your heart is not my home

I can’t work out whether I feel upset
that I am alone
or that your heart is not my home

I screamed your name in the hospital
When they held me down
and injected me

Love never happens for me

If I could reach out for your hand
and you accepted my words and deeds

maybe it work out differently

but I am a soldier
I fight with the courage of a lion
or maybe I am still trying.

Out pouring

Tears well up in my eyes
I dream of being a bird to fly away
To transform with angels wings
But I have no song to sing
The voice, your voice
Weighs me down
Every day wearing a painful frown
The tears of a clown
Is how my father felt
I knelt and prayed
For it all to go away
But in the cold light of day
Cold reality is that I don’t know
whether any of this is real
Delusions, confusions
Flowing, constant uncertainty
Knowing what you would say
You always say I hate you so much
Pessimism has always been my crutch
I loved you like a songwriter loves his piano
The answer is you don’t give a damn though
You were my muse and I have lost all but your voice
Which torments me in every choice I make
Mighty oaks break, their branches tear and shatter
Do I really matter or are my words just noise that clatter
I thought I once met Jesus on my 16th birthday it was my wish
Can I fish my own soul out of sea
Still I yearn for you girl with many faces
Many expressions but I have spoken to you and you have words so few
I cannot escape all the torment you have put me through
and yet I would move my aching soul and bones
Just to sit and talk to you on your throne.