I love you like you are my light and my life
wanted you to be my wife
loved you like a fetish
black like a rubber skirt
the words you say hurt
you cut my heart to ribbons
and still I am giving
my all
in your dominance I fall
I hit the wall
but I drill through
I love you I still do
but I am ruled by you
the wisest thing to do is to walk away
but I can’t eat or breathe without you
I love you I know I am no wimp
maybe I am a simp
but I love you all the same
in our deranged game.
In your eyes the tragic reminder
that memories fade
into the void
and get destroyed
I loved you more than my heart conveyed
though time is a blade
it cuts out the good and bad
memories or leaves scars
the stars that aligned
now fate has mined
and we with left separated when we should have been entwined.
I miss the bad days
the way you hate me
your words reverberate around my head
we are still in conversation
though in my imagination
sex and beastly claws
the way you wanted more than I could give
I cannot live
without thorns a rose wouldn’t be a rose
I am torn our love wasn’t really love without pain
I am just a blood stained hand holding on
a rose
it’s thorns like all your angry words cutting through skin
love is a tragedy we are all flawed within
yet romantic attachment
when it works
can heal the heart and make it beat like it’s going berserk.
All that remains
is the pain of knowing…
There’s magic in your skin
I want to hold you
my cold, bold heart wants to grasp
your hand
make you understand.
We are possessed by a spirit and it’s yours
for there is no cure for love
except drowning in it.
I ate an apple it reminded me of the sinners tale
but love in a garden cannot fail
if talk and walk again together
I know that the illusion of separation can be severed.
I come from
A lost home
my psychosis at 16
two years of hell
Dad and mum threw me out
My roots broken
Then Living in hostel
With Creaking fire safe doors
council estate yellow bricks and concrete
Dirty mirky stained glass windows
looking out on the world
Not a church
where I would fashion ideals
But a place I could be at peace and reshape my soul
Even in a place which had a
scent of old burnt out cigarettes
Smokey stained furniture
like an old fashioned bed and breakfast
The kitchen smelt of convenience.
Packs of chicken and beef super noodles
Boiling in a pan.
This is where freedom started
Hope in the darkness
Grey days but sometimes occasional sun
Dance music blaring from my boom box
a CD player in my room
chemical brothers basement jaxx tracks
Paper and pen
Penning poems
finding myself
I still loved a girl called Becky
who didn’t love me
I gave up,drinking as my mental health was suffering
Giving up the poison
for my own piece of mind.
I sit and think of you
Our dates
The courting
the tender kisses
the way you are my Mrs
Our children and the way they’ve grown
the loneliness of our divorce
then I realise it’s all my mind
we haven’t even known each other that long
but in my head our connection our bond
makes we want to belong
in your life
even if it’s just fantasy lived in 10 mins
I feel like I could live a lifetime in your eyes
dreaming under starry skies.
You cannot find a vending machine for love
you cannot pretend it’s real love
My heart is on fire
is it a liar?
is all love is smoke and mirrors
if so can I forgive her
I check my change
you are everything I desire
my hearts ablaze
but is this only a phase?
love maybe a chase
but not a vending machine case
I haven’t the money to give
to choose the love I need to live
you are a beautiful woman
but I will never have you or own your soul
at least Love is fair in that respect it’s not out of control
I can put my money into the machine
but I will never be your dream.
I love your darkness and your light
I love your eyes your sight
Dreaming dreams showing how to fight
a single parent battle
rattling the cage on the stage of life
getting through having a good time
you have left me behind
But I wish you well.
There is too much hell in my thoughts
too much insanity I have been caught
I thought about us together too much
pessimism and thoughtfulness are a crutch
I miss your smile your light
but without darkness the light wouldn’t have room to shine
I would send you lines
of poetry
you are the name of nobility
you won’t mix
shadows can’t be fixed
I would love your naked soul
but my heart bleeds my innocence away
but there is too much left
bereft of you
fitted out without a clue
If I’d loved both of us more
I would have set the fire free
but it is your soul who has my key
I can’t work out whether I feel upset
that I am alone
or that your heart is not my home
I screamed your name in the hospital
When they held me down
and injected me
Love never happens for me
If I could reach out for your hand
and you accepted my words and deeds
maybe it work out differently
but I am a soldier
I fight with the courage of a lion
or maybe I am still trying.
Tears well up in my eyes
I dream of being a bird to fly away
To transform with angels wings
But I have no song to sing
The voice, your voice
Weighs me down
Every day wearing a painful frown
The tears of a clown
Is how my father felt
I knelt and prayed
For it all to go away
But in the cold light of day
Cold reality is that I don’t know
whether any of this is real
Delusions, confusions
Flowing, constant uncertainty
Knowing what you would say
You always say I hate you so much
Pessimism has always been my crutch
I loved you like a songwriter loves his piano
The answer is you don’t give a damn though
You were my muse and I have lost all but your voice
Which torments me in every choice I make
Mighty oaks break, their branches tear and shatter
Do I really matter or are my words just noise that clatter
I thought I once met Jesus on my 16th birthday it was my wish
Can I fish my own soul out of sea
Still I yearn for you girl with many faces
Many expressions but I have spoken to you and you have words so few
I cannot escape all the torment you have put me through
and yet I would move my aching soul and bones
Just to sit and talk to you on your throne.