I love you like you are my light and my life
wanted you to be my wife
loved you like a fetish
black like a rubber skirt
the words you say hurt
you cut my heart to ribbons
and still I am giving
my all
in your dominance I fall
I hit the wall
but I drill through
I love you I still do
but I am ruled by you
the wisest thing to do is to walk away
but I can’t eat or breathe without you
I love you I know I am no wimp
maybe I am a simp
but I love you all the same
in our deranged game.
Under a sign of neon loneliness
We are all drifting
shifting uncertainty.
If you don’t say what you mean clearly
it falls apart!
Like the shifting sands of a man’s heart.
I love yous repeated like rhetorical questions
a quest never to be won
a word we lean upon
but who really knows what it means
we can only dream
of being narcissistic kings or Queens
with enough love for ourselves
the magazines sit on the shop shelves
Do they dream of being read?
Loneliness the killer of lives
love the flip side of the coin
but they join…
They call me the bravest man in the world
but I just want to be held
and kept in her cage
admired at her whim.
Alienated alone
Friendless in the friendzone
No forks to give in a world of spoons
A real world character in a world of toons
a goon army
that want to harm me
I must be barmy
An only child to a wild man
a Stan to other people
imposter syndrome makes me feel unequal
the film I wrote won’t be a prequel
it’ll be where I stand
to where I finish as a man
This life is bitter
a litter of ironies
this life is a cycle
but the spokes won’t break on this bicycle
I am a nutter
with clutter in my head
I am smart but not book smart
I am art
but in chaos
I am the freedom you find in loss
I am joy but the heartache it cost
I am the I am and I am god
I am the I am but I am a little sod
I am the odd
one out
I am you and your every doubt
the beating second
the way it beckoned
I am reckoning
I reckon
When I reach the end
send
for help
I know I am freedom
this is where I gulp
for air…
The whisper of a shadow song
Morning star no glory
just a story
I am just lived backwards
hidden track words
scars like lines across paper
can I save her?
I am not what you think
drinking from a cup of agony
no God can save me
but death won’t enslave me
I am midnight verse
nails won’t surrender to my skin
the truth they told you the lies worn thin.
We are gathered here today
To bear witness
to pray for the best of ourselves
we buried
so we could fill our food shelves
and work jobs we hate
but not abbreviate
our own sadness
madness caves us in
we are lost
in depraved cravings
as another migrants ship sinks
where is our humanity
we are on the brink
of degrading and hating our own species
or has that ship sailed on its own sea of faeces
I don’t know so say a prayer
for the people we could have been
if life wasn’t so mean
and we hadn’t of adopted
and been co-opted
into ideologies of hate
as we masterbate
over our own tribal race
and forget that we supposed to love every face.
I am surprised
and yet lies
are a belief of some kind
they advertised this life but it has been unkind.
They teased social mobility
the agility to move into the middle class
but aspirations
fall short
they distort
where realised truths stands the door
to the psychiatric ward
where holidays abroad
stand a benefits trap
a DWP map
with no way out
I doubt
I will find a way
into a future a brighter day.
This life isn’t as advertised
through google goggles
through YouTube models
I don’t have a car
three kids and a wife
I have pain and strife
Pessimism is my crutch
no offers or as much
No one gives me a chance at a job
they just call me a benefits slob
I look after my Dad as carer
they swear yeah
even when diagnosed with a serious mental health problem
they think I robbing
tax payers
and no amount of praying
will solve
when the life as advertised dissolves.
People don’t want truth
delusions and illusions
are more loved
more accepted
more respected
Honesty, a fools game
people douse you in shame
a repulsive mix
stick and stones
may break my bones
but words will dethrone
a king from his own throne
and people will turn away
and leave him alone
the mirror of truth is always distorted
we want to keep it that way
we aren’t objective
we want to be respected
but our public relations feed on Facebook
would bleed away if ever we showed who really are
Our fragility and our fragile ego
Break like a dropped model of Lego.
In my wondering
pondering
desolation
I am an imp
an upstart crow
with a limp
a little bit more
than your average trickster
but a little bit less
than my average best
a sour tongue lemon zest
a speaker
drinking from a plastic beaker.