Tag Archives: truth

Like a football manager

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I look to myself for management

like a football team

who’s fans scream for their cup dream

I am in the depths of relegation instead

fans dreams are dead.

I fight disturbed sleep

waking up from bad dreams

screaming booing my own game

and the shame of losing

I am bruising

going into battle like a worn out team of veteran players

I am in need of better management and encouragement and prayers

not a self talk that swears

schizophrenia and autism a toxic mix

and sometimes I cannot help but feel like a dick

another penalty going against me

I withdraw to the stands

the best laid plans

of a team with high hopes and dreams

but I keep screwing up my own team.

I am too inconsistent

Middle table in the conference is too high an expectation

when I meet my friends like fans they don’t understand

and give me a frosty reception.

Give me back my dreams

of being a winning football team

putting four past the opposition

That’s my metaphor and my disposition.

Strength unbowed

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Strength unbowed

Savaged by words

but unbowed

and unbroken

I wish I wasn’t bothered

I wish I didn’t care

courage is sometimes acknowledging our fear

using it to drive us on

the art of leaning on adrenaline

sometimes I rattle the cage

the only war I wage is to be heard

above the caterwauling cattle

who prattle on.

but sometimes I know we all need to be heard

so I go silent for days

the only words are prayers

so strength is adaption

and love is peace

feast upon silence

don’t turn it into violence

fight for yourself because no one else will

it’s a bitter pill

that makes me depressed and ill

but I will fight until I can no more

because life is flawed

and we stand alone

Heavens our home

It was at the start

before our hearts

got jaded

My body may fade

but words are sharp as the day they were uttered

may you live a life without the clutter

of weak words.

Jesus I am alone

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The heartaches when I am in my home

pretending people are with me

my heart is a icy block a sullen stone

Sometimes in solitudes den

I pretend that I am free when

I am on my own

I am just recovering from life’s traumas

Sometimes I pretend I am jesus in a tomb

in my living room

waiting to roll away the stone

and be free with people who love me

but often people talk over my ideas

and conversation

I know I am alone

but with the voice in my head I never truly am

life is painful but I know I am!

alive and fighting wrestling with life’s gaping questions

and although people won’t agree with me

I am the marks the footprints I have left

I am the ideas that crept into your head from a poem I wrote years ago

my life is art

and it drives my heart

but like paper sometimes I am lost in the bin

of life

sometimes in mundane drudgery we find that life is unkind

but it’s the only one I have…

Life inverted

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He sells himself and his soul

for money to the highest bidder

His soul has long since withered

Tells people he believes in god

but believes in the pound and the crown

his love is only a noun

a name for something that lives underground.

He’s a politician

He only cares about money

and his power and authority

he’s in the minority

because he’s rich

Poor people are just opportunities

to him

just tools to use to win

this rat race

which he believes he’s risen above

no love

enters his heart

life is insane and it rips people apart.

This life is inverted dark becomes light

light becomes dark

we’ve lost our spark.

The psychopaths logic runs this world

the devils a lie the popes calling from hell

the president has a direct line

stars align.

We are fated to fall

no one can stand tall

When we follow the system

or we are apathetic

Part of a pathetic resistance

every where we look a false story

told as if we are ordinary

It’s scary.

We are god there is no separation

but power and money are forces of corruption

there is so much disruption.

This life is inverted

As above so below

the good are bad

the happy are sad

the rich are poor

the intelligent are dumb

psychiatric wards are full of story tellers and poets

they know the truth no one else can grow it

we preach to the cracks in the pavement no hearts can grow

grow your own

hide in your home alone

be the change you want to see

or be drowned in a sea

of denial.

which of us can smile

when people in Gaza die?

We have lost our humanity

Life inverted,

upside down

the only people who lead us are clowns

Last laugh

Psychopaths.

The cure to the disease

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The cure to the disease

Sparkling and wondrous

the cure to the disease

Experiencing unease

take these pills

tiny white capsules

that won’t make you ill

distilled love

wonder from above

the cure like forest bathing.

misbehaving

often the cure is the disease of a life

lived without regrets

all targets missed and not met

But to try

is to live and not die

a love fragile

but agile enough to succeed

to bleed is to be alive

To breathe is to thrive

the madness the sickness

is to expect no pain

no sadness in the rain

sunshine that burns the skin

balance is boring

whatever gets you through

is the life you choose to do

Schizophrenia awareness day Poem

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Schizophrenia and the caveman

I dreamt of telling stories

forged in magic and music.

I heard voices of gods

angels and demons

In the flickering flames

that kept me warm.

It was part of my evolution

but sometimes

did wisdom is seen as mental illness

Nowadays I am known as a schizophrenic

I was a caveman with a shamans knowledge

Now they say I am something to be feared

When I was just reaching out

to understand.

This life (my life so far)

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People tell me it’s easy to reach forty

I waged a war to get here

At 10 years old I ran away

a post man found me

and delivered me back to my mum

At 16 psychosis blew my mind

always out of step with time

At 18 I found poetry and rhyme

but suicidal tendencies stuck in my mind

At 21 I climbed a mountain in foreign land to see the Dawn

At 25 I wrote a letter to myself at 16

Because although I saw stars I still bore the scars

from my breakdowns

At 30 I pressed the reset button

and found myself in hospital again

but my life twisted and turned my heart burned

I found creative writing course which inspired at 32

I recited poetry on the radio too

and fought for community projects

to advertise and endorse

At 40 I live my life

I show love and remorse

I fight to live but that’s what life is for me

but in between moments of pain and work

Is the happiness I desired and the freedom I planted like the seeds that formed a tree

I sit in their shade

One day my body will fade

but I will be a soul free in the wind

guiding others my kin.

Not my King!

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Not my king

Not my government

not my establishment.

I resent you all

who can stand tall

and not be beaten

or arrested in protests

who can stand tall?

when people are so restless?

who can stress less

when all around suffer

where is the buffer

for the cost of living

where is freedom of speech

replaced by law and order unforgiving

us.

We may all curse and cuss under our breath

no freedom to protest cause we might cause a nuisance

law and order just an excuse

to beat down on us through and through

no freedom

when we just accept

that this law and order just crept into view

grew out of our fears through and through

they’ll come for us and they’ll come for you

they’ll lock up our children too in this state wide prison.

No money for services or the epidemics of mental illnesses

as they cause us will full distress

and keep the peace through an iron fist

like the fascists we were told to hate and malign

written underneath law and order wins

fists of the police hit our chins

meanwhile the prime minister grins

as his profits hit the roof

the truth is lost under parliaments roof.

Under a sign of neon loneliness

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Under a sign of neon loneliness

We are all drifting

shifting uncertainty.

If you don’t say what you mean clearly

it falls apart!

Like the shifting sands of a man’s heart.

I love yous repeated like rhetorical questions

a quest never to be won

a word we lean upon

but who really knows what it means

we can only dream

of being narcissistic kings or Queens

with enough love for ourselves

the magazines sit on the shop shelves

Do they dream of being read?

Loneliness the killer of lives

love the flip side of the coin

but they join…

They call me the bravest man in the world

but I just want to be held

and kept in her cage

admired at her whim.

We are gathered here today

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We are gathered here today

To bear witness

to pray for the best of ourselves

we buried

so we could fill our food shelves

and work jobs we hate

but not abbreviate

our own sadness

madness caves us in

we are lost

in depraved cravings

as another migrants ship sinks

where is our humanity

we are on the brink

of degrading and hating our own species

or has that ship sailed on its own sea of faeces

I don’t know so say a prayer

for the people we could have been

if life wasn’t so mean

and we hadn’t of adopted

and been co-opted

into ideologies of hate

as we masterbate

over our own tribal race

and forget that we supposed to love every face.