Under a sign of neon loneliness

Under a sign of neon loneliness

We are all drifting

shifting uncertainty.

If you don’t say what you mean clearly

it falls apart!

Like the shifting sands of a man’s heart.

I love yous repeated like rhetorical questions

a quest never to be won

a word we lean upon

but who really knows what it means

we can only dream

of being narcissistic kings or Queens

with enough love for ourselves

the magazines sit on the shop shelves

Do they dream of being read?

Loneliness the killer of lives

love the flip side of the coin

but they join…

They call me the bravest man in the world

but I just want to be held

and kept in her cage

admired at her whim.

Prison of loneliness

From the lake of fire

to the snake of desire

I am lonely.

Hell is carrying around loneliness with you

it grows out of all perspective

it grows with you

it starts with a child’s heart

of wanting acceptance and love

people’s love

then it turns into anger and rage

that you cannot have those connections you yearn for

that you burn for

in later life

a maddened heart torn apart of the fear

that you will never see one person from one day to next to make meaningful conversation

that ache in your heart becomes more than a sensation

You learn that your needs won’t ever be met

that life has caught you in its net

But you are forever alone.

No one knows what you go through

in truth even if they saw your entire life

their perspective wouldn’t change

or see yours, isn’t it strange?

to be cast adrift in world that promises much

and delivers very little

hearts grow cold and brittle

and they break in many ways

Not just in half in the centre

you may plan your ventures

you may look for adventure

but your only friend is you

and love is only love if that’s the truth

Loneliness the beast of burden

Loneliness the beast feeds on my confidence

until all have is insanity

I will hold it back with words driven home with meaning

maybe I will be dreaming

a better a life

maybe I am reaping what I have sown

but I will not believe in fear I love myself and own all I am

I am the shadow and the light

and I will fight until my hands wither

and I grow faint

I will ignore the loneliness and it’s taint.

Your heart is not my home

I can’t work out whether I feel upset
that I am alone
or that your heart is not my home

I screamed your name in the hospital
When they held me down
and injected me

Love never happens for me

If I could reach out for your hand
and you accepted my words and deeds

maybe it work out differently

but I am a soldier
I fight with the courage of a lion
or maybe I am still trying.

zombie land

In a desolate waste land hell
Minds that decay dwell
In the thick starless night
of dead space sight

in the void of hearts that have been shown no love
Like angels with their wings clipped and can not fly above
The sinking feeling reigns in stomachs like a pit
the only fear that reaches us anew is lit
By anger and despair which catches our stare
Like a terrible mournful glare
we are the television dreams that died out
the terrible visions of you that you can’t doubt
but say is true
I am a zombie and so are you
and our hunger can never be sated
abated or abbreviated
I hunger for sanity
In this world of fears
but positivity won’t reach my ears

for we are programmed to feed on the fears of our fathers
and our fathers, fathers and mothers mothers ever after
and we are the struggle that lines all pockets with jewels
and we are the cold hearts beating so cool
and love is what we ache for but we are fools.
Droiling for flesh
Outer shell should not be so important it’s only mesh
Our souls cry out to be touched
But we are bones supported by a crutch
of thoughts that we never really own
I need you I feel so alone
Our mantra crying out to the abyss
but who’s words ?
am I saying this?

The Escapist

The Escapist

Sometimes my escaping
leads to me scrapping myself
off the floor.
Substance abuse
let loose
has become my demon
from which I have no freedom.
Lost in chaos
I use it change my emotion or keep it in stasis
what a waste this is
I have to face my demons
of psychological fear
work through the tears
become a form of me
that I can eventually be
proud of,
and escape like Phoenix free
when my sadness has left me
and never use the poisons again.