Your heart is not my home

I can’t work out whether I feel upset
that I am alone
or that your heart is not my home

I screamed your name in the hospital
When they held me down
and injected me

Love never happens for me

If I could reach out for your hand
and you accepted my words and deeds

maybe it work out differently

but I am a soldier
I fight with the courage of a lion
or maybe I am still trying.

zombie land

In a desolate waste land hell
Minds that decay dwell
In the thick starless night
of dead space sight

in the void of hearts that have been shown no love
Like angels with their wings clipped and can not fly above
The sinking feeling reigns in stomachs like a pit
the only fear that reaches us anew is lit
By anger and despair which catches our stare
Like a terrible mournful glare
we are the television dreams that died out
the terrible visions of you that you can’t doubt
but say is true
I am a zombie and so are you
and our hunger can never be sated
abated or abbreviated
I hunger for sanity
In this world of fears
but positivity won’t reach my ears

for we are programmed to feed on the fears of our fathers
and our fathers, fathers and mothers mothers ever after
and we are the struggle that lines all pockets with jewels
and we are the cold hearts beating so cool
and love is what we ache for but we are fools.
Droiling for flesh
Outer shell should not be so important it’s only mesh
Our souls cry out to be touched
But we are bones supported by a crutch
of thoughts that we never really own
I need you I feel so alone
Our mantra crying out to the abyss
but who’s words ?
am I saying this?

The Escapist

The Escapist

Sometimes my escaping
leads to me scrapping myself
off the floor.
Substance abuse
let loose
has become my demon
from which I have no freedom.
Lost in chaos
I use it change my emotion or keep it in stasis
what a waste this is
I have to face my demons
of psychological fear
work through the tears
become a form of me
that I can eventually be
proud of,
and escape like Phoenix free
when my sadness has left me
and never use the poisons again.