my circular thinking sometimes is an ellipses
my blacklight is the moon
I sometimes feel a sense of doom
whether I am apple, android or Linux driving this computers machine
I laugh until I scream
My search bar is Firefox
It’s has an interesting internet history
why is a mystery!
A cacophony of voices
and anxiety about choices
My App Store has flaws
is yet to be developed
my operating system
has ghost code
I sometimes have to try to avoid goblin mode
I find social stuff hard
Autism spectrum disorder
It’s hard to understand
even with AI
I know I am wired differently
I just don’t know why?
In your eyes the tragic reminder
that memories fade
into the void
and get destroyed
I loved you more than my heart conveyed
though time is a blade
it cuts out the good and bad
memories or leaves scars
the stars that aligned
now fate has mined
and we with left separated when we should have been entwined.
I was wild and free once upon a time
a child with time and rhymes
but my parents can’t listen
just thought of me being bad
curbing my behaviour
they couldn’t be my saviours
I went quiet wanting to start a riot
It could have gone two different ways
but life strays on to one path
the aftermath of which
made me a background poet
my poetry is the ink I bleed
from wounds I don’t need
My parents need me to be their counsellor
but I can’t
I just can’t…
cycles can be broken
when loves awoken
but sometimes I want to fight back
to see the crack
of light through the walls.
Waking up on a cold brown leather sofa
Not knowing who I am
a man and women ask me how I am?
I ask them if they have any children?
they say no
then a child comes in from the voids light
it’s her birthday
she says I will never drive as knight rider plays on tv
then she asks for a sister and two appear
more birthday girls although one older and one younger
Years on I went to that house
a girl not the same one says something terrible happened here to you
because of you
I hear it in the whispers on the telephone
I see visions of the man being arrested
how did I get home?
this waking dream won’t relent
I am prevented from seeing what happened
The warmth of a fire
in a welcoming home.
The way the words settled I was not alone,
time spent with friends
the tying of loose ends
and memories made in all seasons
reasons why we made this place is home
the love and friendship I was shown
whether playing board games with others
or just laying and chilling out under bed covers
we made this our home
and we feel safe and respected
with freedom to roam.
In the days when the exception they say
doesn’t need correction.
we are all creative
but some have it beaten out of us
at some stage
the war the exceptional person rages
is either to have their words heard
or to keep their creative side alive
and not have it brutalised or strangled
an Angel or messenger of light
has to fight to maintain their angle of light
and their perspective and sight.
In this aching
waking dream we live in
I love you is hardest thing to mean
but waiting has no solace
my heart I polish for you
but will the stains wash out?
I won’t doubt you are worth it.
Reaching me through the void
I cried out to you when they held me down
In the A and E ward I told them who you were
But like big cats don’t always purr
you are something to be worshipped
glorified and feared
If perfect love has no fear
it is love that has been realised
I wait in the shadows
dancing in the dark
love is the flames not just the spark
to light my way…
My search has ended
When two worlds collided
I expected fireworks
but they burn away
Fiz pop and bang
then no longer are a thing.
I love you but colours fade
I love you
my deeper shade my midnight blue
I know this life’s a prison for some
but I love it’s sweet bitter agony
it’s the loneliness I hate.
Here’s a hand here’s a slap
here’s life without a map
parents too busy discuss
never mind get to know their children and trust in them
stem the flow.
I was raised by cartoon heroes
and superhero shows
and the games I played
sonic on the mega drive I never strayed
from their ideals
but my happiness was stolen
by those who created my tears
I missed out on my parents knowing what I could have been if they had of listened through the years.