I am a fork in a world of soup
a scout without a troop
a landline phone in a world of mobiles
a voicemail speed dial
a punchline which is a slow poke
a old bloke surrounded by stylish gits
a thong in a world of bras and tits
Facebook without the pictures
selfies at the right angle
a pen in a tangle
a stranger in a crowd
nuff said not loud
a cuppa tea in world of coffee
a defenceless toffee
in a world of chocolate biscuits
don’t risk it or me
cause i am too different
a black sheep in a world of white
a short skirt in a world of jeans
a nightmare in a world of dreams.
you may look
you may stare
but i am the unknown
you have to find me a home.
Tag Archives: funny
Helicopter lover
I’ll be your helicopter lover
Closer than twin flame or any other
I’ll be your rescue party of one
your loving song
on the radio
I can’t behave with you
But that was in those golden days
now I am like a stray
like dog on heat about to have the snip
I want to take a dip in your seas
Babe please
I’ll be your helicopter lover
Closer than twin flame or any other
I’ll be your rescue party of one
your loving song
on the radio
I can’t behave with you
I don’t know what to do I love you
but I am lost
look at what love costs
a day a week or a year
I look back to those golden times
diamond hard like my rhymes
Look you probably don’t even remember
me from January to December
you’ve moved on
but how can I be so wrong
to love you…
One day I might live up to being a toy character (spoken word poem)
One day I might live up to being a toy character
out of paw patrol
or hey dougie
A wizard or witch who has mastered the
art of magic
instead of tragic
rock star
or a burnt out old poet
maybe I will be reincarnated as Pegasus
to fly on by
in the clear blue sky
with fluffy clouds
one day I might be a superhero of my own making
in a graphic novel
or a saviour of person trapped in a hovel
I am definitely in awe
of people who aren’t bores
what are we if we can’t dream
of being better?
and writing our own stories and letters
to our imagination.
Christmas is cancelled poetry video
Ginger ninja bread man
This gingerbread man is ninja
he throws sweet stars and then
he jumps out of windows from tall houses
and lands on his feet and his trousers
are still clean
this ninja ginger bread man is a lean mean fighting machine
because he doesn’t want to get beaten or even worse eaten.
I have a few questions
Do vampires get tooth decay?
Do werewolves get fleas?
Do zombies have to use prosthetic knees?
Do fairy tale princesses always say please?
Can witches have white weddings?
What do mummies have for their bedding?
Do Orcs have to shave?
Do angels ever misbehave?
What is a goblin’s average height?
And do ever they get tall?
Do giants ever start off small?
I’d like to ask these questions
If you have some thoughts or suggestions,
Please get in touch
My address is;
1 The Wizards tower
rainbow close
Fairy land.
Ha 2YU
A flipping marvellous Pancake poem
Pancake pancake why won’t you mix?
Pancake pancake why do you stick?
Pancake pancake why don’t you go to plan?
Pancake pancake why do you get burnt in the pan?
Pancake pancake this should have been fun
pancake pancake why do you run
when you’re stuck to the ceiling it’s no fun
Pancake pancake I would have had you with lemon and syrup
but I am laughing and crying so much I have got the hiccups.
Grumpa (about a Grumpy Grandfather)
Grumpa
Sitting in your old arm chair,
With a devil may care,
Attitude.
Talking about the ingratitude
Of youth.
Watching TV,
Eating microwaveable meals,
Grumpa,
I still love you,
I remember the times when I was young,
and you helped me,
when I was stung,
by a wasp,
or fell over.
Life is hard,
it makes you,
grumpy and
lonely,
Please think of the things you’ve shown me,
Rather than talking about the things that make you despair
I know behind the passive aggression you still care,
I know I sometimes take the Mick,
But really Grumpa,
I can see all your tricks,
There is still, to my surprise,
magic behind those eyes,
And bedtime stories waiting to be read.
Grumpa,
Don’t lose the thread
We all need a grandfather like you,
For you have all the experience,
You will know what to do!
When Facebook…
When Facebook is filled with memes
broken pictures and shattered dreams
when you respond with a haha like
but no one recognises your plight
when they are too busy finding out their character is that of a potato
and you get ignored but don’t hate though
when they share posts like who would narrate your life
and you want to get out of that conversation because it probably be piers Morgan and his wife
remember you chose to live on Facebook and be a troll
and life is out your door and off your phone which is sucking away your soul.
The villain
The villain
I am so nasty
people stand aghast
I am so bad
you feel a draft
on a summers day
murderous glances pave the way
I am sick, I am ill
babe with every hero it’s a battle of wills
I am so abrasive
I am like invasive surgery
I am so evil I burn bibles and call it purgatory
the devil herself could learn from me
I want pounds of flesh so burn with me
I am deathly shade
stalking the sun
I am the nightmare
in the night you run
I am evil
I told you to die
but chances are you’re petrified
I am so dishevelled
I make Darth Sidious look sprightly
Sith Lords can’t fight me
With just one flick of my fingers
and death lingers
I am psychologically deranged
so psychopathically strange
you wondered if I was ever sane
I just got back from Frankenstein’s lab
I killed the hulk yes I am that strong and bad
I framed Sherlock Holmes
and made him into an heroin addict
cause all my plays our that strategic
I even cheat death
in fact I own Azrael’s blade
I am villain, the one you crave.