Tag Archives: funny
Ginger ninja bread man
This gingerbread man is ninja
he throws sweet stars and then
he jumps out of windows from tall houses
and lands on his feet and his trousers
are still clean
this ninja ginger bread man is a lean mean fighting machine
because he doesn’t want to get beaten or even worse eaten.
I have a few questions
Do vampires get tooth decay?
Do werewolves get fleas?
Do zombies have to use prosthetic knees?
Do fairy tale princesses always say please?
Can witches have white weddings?
What do mummies have for their bedding?
Do Orcs have to shave?
Do angels ever misbehave?
What is a goblin’s average height?
And do ever they get tall?
Do giants ever start off small?
I’d like to ask these questions
If you have some thoughts or suggestions,
Please get in touch
My address is;
1 The Wizards tower
A flipping marvellous Pancake poem
Pancake pancake why won’t you mix?
Pancake pancake why do you stick?
Pancake pancake why don’t you go to plan?
Pancake pancake why do you get burnt in the pan?
Pancake pancake this should have been fun
pancake pancake why do you run
when you’re stuck to the ceiling it’s no fun
Pancake pancake I would have had you with lemon and syrup
but I am laughing and crying so much I have got the hiccups.
Grumpa (about a Grumpy Grandfather)
Sitting in your old arm chair,
With a devil may care,
Talking about the ingratitude
Eating microwaveable meals,
I still love you,
I remember the times when I was young,
and you helped me,
when I was stung,
by a wasp,
or fell over.
Life is hard,
it makes you,
Please think of the things you’ve shown me,
Rather than talking about the things that make you despair
I know behind the passive aggression you still care,
I know I sometimes take the Mick,
But really Grumpa,
I can see all your tricks,
There is still, to my surprise,
magic behind those eyes,
And bedtime stories waiting to be read.
Don’t lose the thread
We all need a grandfather like you,
For you have all the experience,
You will know what to do!
When Facebook is filled with memes
broken pictures and shattered dreams
when you respond with a haha like
but no one recognises your plight
when they are too busy finding out their character is that of a potato
and you get ignored but don’t hate though
when they share posts like who would narrate your life
and you want to get out of that conversation because it probably be piers Morgan and his wife
remember you chose to live on Facebook and be a troll
and life is out your door and off your phone which is sucking away your soul.
I am so nasty
people stand aghast
I am so bad
you feel a draft
on a summers day
murderous glances pave the way
I am sick, I am ill
babe with every hero it’s a battle of wills
I am so abrasive
I am like invasive surgery
I am so evil I burn bibles and call it purgatory
the devil herself could learn from me
I want pounds of flesh so burn with me
I am deathly shade
stalking the sun
I am the nightmare
in the night you run
I am evil
I told you to die
but chances are you’re petrified
I am so dishevelled
I make Darth Sidious look sprightly
Sith Lords can’t fight me
With just one flick of my fingers
and death lingers
I am psychologically deranged
so psychopathically strange
you wondered if I was ever sane
I just got back from Frankenstein’s lab
I killed the hulk yes I am that strong and bad
I framed Sherlock Holmes
and made him into an heroin addict
cause all my plays our that strategic
I even cheat death
in fact I own Azrael’s blade
I am villain, the one you crave.
Give me some answers
and some supermarket vouchers
I have been saving my points
I don’t want to fall on my aching joints
I hope supermarket flowers don’t disappoint
the girl I love.
I am going to Tescoland
Tescoland ahhhhh ohhhhh
that magical place
watch a child’s face light up in the toy aisle
I want to sit in the gadget zone giving style
I hope you like my range
my style I am going to Tescoland
just loving the value beans
I am getting wider by the minute
and chocolate from and green and blacks
I am stacking those socks and boxer shorts
In my basket
Hoping I can fill my casket
with all I have bought
I hope you understand
I am buying my heaven
Buying fresh cream from Devon
I am going to Tescoland
where there are trolleys
and checkout dollies
I am finding some cocktail brollies
to impress my mates
I going there in a state
after getting drunk as a skunk monkey
I am going to dance with a security guard
and hopefully not get arrested
Cave man stylee parody
Cave man stylee parody
However some of this is true, I don’t know know some of these things and I should… I do believe in women’s rights I treat women with respect but I am ignorant of many of the issues they face. This was inspired by looking at some of the ugly girls club poetry from the Brighton fringe.
I could support women and their rights
But periods frighten me
and I know nothing about my own biology.
has it come to this?
I am a man it’s not cool to pay attention in sex Ed class at school
women are sexy
but they vex me
I know nothing about contraception
I know more about call of duty
but the women are on mutiny against me
and flowers won’t heal the rift
chocolates are a gift
but they won’t lift my sisters mood
She’s right Aggy
I came from a vagina
But I don’t know how pregnancy works
it’s sperm and egg isn’t it?
I need to be taken down a peg or two
I imagine childbirth is really hard to do
and that’s not flippant or funny
I don’t know how to chat women up
So I just talk about the weather being sunny
I am man I know how to blow things up including footballs
I walk tall
but I know nothing about abortion
I live in a distortion
a male dominated world
I know girls
but will they be forgiving
for me not knowing this stuff
I know I can’t bluff
It’s snow joke ❄️☃️
It’s snow joke
when the busses stop
when you’re snowed under
when the beast from the east
has stopped your feast
cause Tesco shelves are stripped bare
and your sat in bed in a coat
cause your heating is broke
and your water pipes are frozen
and your route to work is closed
trains are stationary
and you have a feeling this should of happened in January
instead of March and it’s scary
snowball fights and snowmen are the only things you can do
and wellingtons boots are the new correct shoes
but you’ve got a Birthday party to get to on foot
oh shoot you might say
Let’s pray the snow goes away soon
or there might be a snowball riot
Nobody will keep quiet about them doing it better in other countries
but I suppose its not a surprise for them for it to fall so heavily.