Simp-pathetic ?

I love you like you are my light and my life

wanted you to be my wife

loved you like a fetish

black like a rubber skirt

the words you say hurt

you cut my heart to ribbons

and still I am giving

my all

in your dominance I fall

I hit the wall

but I drill through

I love you I still do

but I am ruled by you

the wisest thing to do is to walk away

but I can’t eat or breathe without you

I love you I know I am no wimp

maybe I am a simp

but I love you all the same

in our deranged game.

You can’t imagine the things I have seen

You can’t imagine my dreams

you can’t think like me in every way

I am unique, I pave the way

I maybe distant

sometimes obtuse

I sometimes let loose

my fears and anger prangs

like a car hitting a wall

but I hold as much truth as you all

See I am schizophrenic

I hear voices

But don’t despair

I see choices

they hang in the air

I have been broken

I don’t expect you to always care

I doggedly battle on

Cause I still know right from wrong

even with whispers and shouts in my mind

I fight to be human and to be kind

Though I suffer with paranoia

the darkness which destroys

I love life enough to stay here and not be destroyed

so don’t have pity

Let me speak and write and sing

because I know sadness is a painful muse

but creativity is my thing.

Grumpa (about a Grumpy Grandfather)

Grumpa

Sitting in your old arm chair,

With a devil may care,

Attitude.

Talking about the ingratitude

Of youth.

Watching TV,

Eating microwaveable meals,

Grumpa,

I still love you,

I remember the times when I was young,

and you helped me,

when I was stung,

by a wasp,

or fell over.

Life is hard,

it makes you,

grumpy and 

lonely,

Please think of the things you’ve shown me,

Rather than talking about the things that make you despair

I know behind the passive aggression you still care,

I know I sometimes take the Mick,

But really Grumpa,

I can see all your tricks,

There is still, to my surprise,

magic behind those eyes,

And bedtime stories waiting to be read.

Grumpa, 

Don’t lose the thread 

We all need a grandfather like you,

For you have all the experience,

You will know what to do!

Heart or Hope

Hope speaks

yet my heart feels

tears flow down my cheek

at least I am real

Hope or heart

to feel the pain

Or to look for the sunshine in the rain

Faking smiles

In rooftop terraces

the Ferris wheel of life

let me go off to murder my strife

A vacation for frustration

My heart is black hole

longing and empty, wilful and bold

Hope is bird singing in a distant cage

a heart is strange thing to age

with my ageing heart

I give you my wisdom and advice

but you won’t see the payment I made

the cut and paste words that shade

and shadow this page

the one I didn’t say which are hidden

But pave the way

Heart or hope

I cope and live for brighter days

when sunlight pours onto this desperate stage.

I love your darkness and your light

I love your darkness and your light

I love your eyes your sight

Dreaming dreams showing how to fight 

a single parent battle 

rattling the cage on the stage of life

getting through having a good time

you have left me behind

But I wish you well.

There is too much hell in my thoughts

too much insanity I have been caught

I thought about us together too much

pessimism and thoughtfulness are a crutch

I miss your smile your light

but without darkness the light wouldn’t have room to shine

I would send you lines

of poetry 

you are the name of nobility 

you won’t mix

shadows can’t be fixed

I would love your naked soul

but my heart bleeds my innocence away

but there is too much left

bereft of you 

fitted out without a clue 

If I’d loved both of us more 

I would have set the fire free

but it is your soul who has my key

A mother to her child

They took your innocence
and they left you with a hole
they made a pretence
and then took your soul
you were made to bear children
they made it your occupation
they made you want to be beautiful
attractive to the eye
they made you need a man who could protect you
but he controls you and makes you cry
this is not a verse which lies
make sure you keep your wisdom
make sure your beauty is kept in your souls secret garden
if there ever is frost in your heart make sure it doesn’t harden
make sure you pass on life’s truth to your children
it isn’t fair but your children control the future within their lives
A piece of you is in them woman don’t let it hide.