I love you like you are my light and my life
wanted you to be my wife
loved you like a fetish
black like a rubber skirt
the words you say hurt
you cut my heart to ribbons
and still I am giving
my all
in your dominance I fall
I hit the wall
but I drill through
I love you I still do
but I am ruled by you
the wisest thing to do is to walk away
but I can’t eat or breathe without you
I love you I know I am no wimp
maybe I am a simp
but I love you all the same
in our deranged game.
You can’t imagine my dreams
you can’t think like me in every way
I am unique, I pave the way
I maybe distant
sometimes obtuse
I sometimes let loose
my fears and anger prangs
like a car hitting a wall
but I hold as much truth as you all
See I am schizophrenic
I hear voices
But don’t despair
I see choices
they hang in the air
I have been broken
I don’t expect you to always care
I doggedly battle on
Cause I still know right from wrong
even with whispers and shouts in my mind
I fight to be human and to be kind
Though I suffer with paranoia
the darkness which destroys
I love life enough to stay here and not be destroyed
so don’t have pity
Let me speak and write and sing
because I know sadness is a painful muse
but creativity is my thing.
Grumpa
Sitting in your old arm chair,
With a devil may care,
Attitude.
Talking about the ingratitude
Of youth.
Watching TV,
Eating microwaveable meals,
Grumpa,
I still love you,
I remember the times when I was young,
and you helped me,
when I was stung,
by a wasp,
or fell over.
Life is hard,
it makes you,
grumpy and
lonely,
Please think of the things you’ve shown me,
Rather than talking about the things that make you despair
I know behind the passive aggression you still care,
I know I sometimes take the Mick,
But really Grumpa,
I can see all your tricks,
There is still, to my surprise,
magic behind those eyes,
And bedtime stories waiting to be read.
Grumpa,
Don’t lose the thread
We all need a grandfather like you,
For you have all the experience,
You will know what to do!
Hope speaks
yet my heart feels
tears flow down my cheek
at least I am real
Hope or heart
to feel the pain
Or to look for the sunshine in the rain
Faking smiles
In rooftop terraces
the Ferris wheel of life
let me go off to murder my strife
A vacation for frustration
My heart is black hole
longing and empty, wilful and bold
Hope is bird singing in a distant cage
a heart is strange thing to age
with my ageing heart
I give you my wisdom and advice
but you won’t see the payment I made
the cut and paste words that shade
and shadow this page
the one I didn’t say which are hidden
But pave the way
Heart or hope
I cope and live for brighter days
when sunlight pours onto this desperate stage.
I love your darkness and your light
I love your eyes your sight
Dreaming dreams showing how to fight
a single parent battle
rattling the cage on the stage of life
getting through having a good time
you have left me behind
But I wish you well.
There is too much hell in my thoughts
too much insanity I have been caught
I thought about us together too much
pessimism and thoughtfulness are a crutch
I miss your smile your light
but without darkness the light wouldn’t have room to shine
I would send you lines
of poetry
you are the name of nobility
you won’t mix
shadows can’t be fixed
I would love your naked soul
but my heart bleeds my innocence away
but there is too much left
bereft of you
fitted out without a clue
If I’d loved both of us more
I would have set the fire free
but it is your soul who has my key
They took your innocence
and they left you with a hole
they made a pretence
and then took your soul
you were made to bear children
they made it your occupation
they made you want to be beautiful
attractive to the eye
they made you need a man who could protect you
but he controls you and makes you cry
this is not a verse which lies
make sure you keep your wisdom
make sure your beauty is kept in your souls secret garden
if there ever is frost in your heart make sure it doesn’t harden
make sure you pass on life’s truth to your children
it isn’t fair but your children control the future within their lives
A piece of you is in them woman don’t let it hide.