The change from boy to man (my journey)

I remember my dad calling me a hobbledehoy

neither man or boy

teen ageing is hard
I became a wild card
bottling up my emotions and becoming unstable
I remember the good days and bad
But at sixteen
in my wild dreams
I broke down in sobs and screams
at eighteen
I was diagnosed schizophrenic
but I realise that madness is a pandemic
and most of us will flounder
in its sea of tears

Cave man stylee parody

Cave man stylee parody

However some of this is true, I don’t know know some of these things and I should… I do believe in women’s rights I treat women with respect but I am ignorant of many of the issues they face. This was inspired by looking at some of the ugly girls club poetry from the Brighton fringe.

I could support women and their rights

But periods frighten me

and I know nothing about my own biology.

has it come to this?

I am a man it’s not cool to pay attention in sex Ed class at school

women are sexy

but they vex me

I know nothing about contraception

I know more about call of duty

but the women are on mutiny against me

and flowers won’t heal the rift

chocolates are a gift

but they won’t lift my sisters mood

She’s right Aggy

I came from a vagina

But I don’t know how pregnancy works

it’s sperm and egg isn’t it?

I need to be taken down a peg or two

I imagine childbirth is really hard to do

and that’s not flippant or funny

I don’t know how to chat women up

So I just talk about the weather being sunny

I am man I know how to blow things up including footballs

I walk tall

but I know nothing about abortion

I live in a distortion

a male dominated world

I know girls

and women

but will they be forgiving

for me not knowing this stuff

I know I can’t bluff

anymore…

Lament of the sparrowman

In a down and out town
Lives a man not occupied enough to be a clown
the jokes on him
and the joke wears thin
living in the past
cast in the jaws of hell that last
and captures all his virtues narrowed
by fate in acting up too late he is a sparrow
locked in a cage
Mindless and in a unconscious rage
he may tweet on Twitter
and he has a lot to witter
on about
but his mind is full of doubt
and opportunities don’t come often
to soften
the blows which rain down from people with agendas
who will take advantage of misadventure
and misfortune
he is a drunken loon
not by alcohol but by the moon
insanity is casting aspersions
and his friends leave and desert him
he yearns like the sparrow to fly free
but he hasn’t got heaven’s key
medical sedatives don’t inspire visions
What he needs is a decision
to break with the past.

Inside the mad man

The clammer of the overthinking overwhelmed mind

chattering away with itself like a overused hard drive.

Hope, but she is a caged bird waiting for her master

faith but all faith is enslaved in disaster.

A sonnet of despair, a song of solitude

a monologue of filth and the rude

a innocent boy and a prude.

A crazy overbearing self talk squawk

a chalk drawing of heart that’s been erased.

A penis looking up at the sky

A black dog biting its owner

A loner waiting for the strength to cry.

Freedom from attachment

but a wanting to be engaged and attached

Discourse divorced a face scratched.

silence like a scream

a dream turning into a nightmare

a blank stare

a daydream being expelled.

Hell carrying on into a lonely hello

An eye open that cannot be shut

a slut shutdown clown

love becoming only a noun.

The nightmare man

Staring at crosses as you run from the church
They won’t find you down dale or over birch
Your hidden
Life ridden with guilt
No matter the blood spilt
On your behalf
and from your body
You will never find peace
Eternal unrest
Guardian to the place where sleeping angels lie
You struggle for the will not to die but to fade
But your caught in the harrowing hades shades
Reborn into a place where the vampires know your name
They say they worship you but their eyes pierce you with blame
the people who don’t acknowledge you better people than your followers
Who want heaven and followers for themselves
Your book they say lines people’s shelves
But it’s not really your story
It’s been rewritten so many times
To form chains and bind
Your children within
They say everything you do is a sin
Original sin you cannot win
the devil your misinformed
The on coming storm
you’d save your twin but she probably hates you for what you’ve done
Ideological war fare
You live your life trying to follow your own rules
Ignoring the fact you were born someone else
You wished for the secret of the universe
To converse with god
It’s a shame he is you and you are them
You cannot stem the suffering
Or Break your chains

We are Boys

man up?
When did our yearning to protect and serve
and keep people safe?
turn into rage and wanting danger?
We are no stranger to tragedy
avidly wrestling with our desire for violence
was it taught by society and our father, are they keeping silent?

Soldiers growing colder each day
to the god of man we pray
to teach us a better way.

Anger our, “man up” emotion
lost in its devotion
we need different role models action man won’t cut it.
As we destroy ourselves fighting and wrestling with the anger inside
as we collide with the alternate worlds we hide
inside the potential we have
and are told to bite at ourselves
as “man up” is the only thing we hear
we disappear from the innocence
we held dear
the blood stained tear
gives way more often to anger and fear.

Woman

Woman, your beauty hides your brilliance
You have to be resilient
To survive in a world stolen by men
Even when you are the closest thing to god.
Woman, you are maligned
Hidden by religions veil
They tell the tale of Eve throughout time
The sinners tale
Original sin another story to enslave
Don’t they know a mother’s wisdom can save?
A man from falling fruitless from a tree
Hanging desperately.

The chessman

To the man who says he can’t
When he just won’t
You play chess with the best of us
because we are your chess pieces
I know you know how to play checkers
But your life is a game of chess with us
It’s the poor you game
and we run after you doing your dirty work
You act like you are not intelligent
But the fools do your bidding
Pawns in your game
Just you look like you are not playing
Doesn’t mean your not…