Unexpected artwork

The way the sunlight causes shadows through the leaves.

The movements of trees on the breeze

sycamore seeds twirl in pirouettes

as they helicopter to the ground.

Hag stones form

magic is born

from impermanence

decaying ghosts of leaves

erosion flowing free

the changing of the seasons

the reasons of life and death.

Unexpected artwork of nature

forming then fracturing and breaking.

The caricature of a feather floating free

in the minds artwork free

as a bird in rapture

captured in a photo in my minds eye.

The woman with many faces

In the darkness and light of a daydream from a distant heaven. The woman with many faces but one soul. I have looked at legends and myths. She is a gift. To live many lives and still remember some of them is her curse.

I remember she woke my kaleidoscopic mind like in the song porcelain by Moby. A conversation between the two of us. Her timelines spread across mine. Her heart and soul a beacon for mine.

Giving me a reason for life and seeing beyond the illusion of separation. She has been living all the lives I see through the collective unconscious the Holy Spirit is a girl a woman a mother a sister a friend a lover and so much more. Life would be a mistake without her music. She speaks through the crowd words of wisdom that guide me.

I have been labelled schizophrenic but I can see her spirit in all things. The way the wind moves the trees leaves she is one who guides us all. Oneness is what I have found I am her protector I love her darkness her light some may say I have lost my mind. And all the unkind things but those people are blind.

In this aching

In this aching

waking dream we live in

I love you is hardest thing to mean

I wait,

but waiting has no solace

my heart I polish for you

but will the stains wash out?

I won’t doubt you are worth it.

Reaching me through the void

and shadows

I cried out to you when they held me down

In the A and E ward I told them who you were

But like big cats don’t always purr

you are something to be worshipped

glorified and feared

If perfect love has no fear

it is love that has been realised

and actualised

I wait in the shadows

dancing in the dark

love is the flames not just the spark

to light my way…

If I wasn’t depressed

I’d launch myself across the room

to collide with your lips

put my hands around your waist your hips

If I wasn’t depressed

I enjoy the simple things

a paper crown would make me feel like a king

I’d wrap up myself with smiles

I’d dress with style

if I wasn’t depressed I’d sing

songs wild and free

life would be love and not the sting

Of fear.

Sometimes

Sometimes

The world goes on behind my window

I stare out into the suns glare

I wrap myself around my thoughts

and all that I have sought

do I still care?

Sometimes

I am broken beggar

trying to get a leg up

sometimes I want to say

words of meaning

am I still dreaming?

Sometimes

my hearts soft like paper

sometimes it’s hard like a diamond

fashioned with pressure and heat

sometimes I play my songs on repeat

hoping to make my way to someone’s smile on the street.

Sometimes

I bow to the dark

sometimes I look to the stars sparkling in the sky

sometimes I want to die

but I realise life is short

and I love my friends to much to make this life end

so my epitaph will say I loved until my world drifted away

but I left you my words and that’s more than ok.

I come from a lost home

I come from

A lost home

my psychosis at 16

two years of hell

Dad and mum threw me out

My roots broken

Then Living in hostel

With Creaking fire safe doors

council estate yellow bricks and concrete

Dirty mirky stained glass windows

looking out on the world

Not a church

where I would fashion ideals

But a place I could be at peace and reshape my soul

Even in a place which had a

scent of old burnt out cigarettes

Smokey stained furniture

like an old fashioned bed and breakfast

The kitchen smelt of convenience.

Packs of chicken and beef super noodles

Boiling in a pan.

This is where freedom started

Hope in the darkness

Grey days but sometimes occasional sun

Dance music blaring from my boom box

a CD player in my room

chemical brothers basement jaxx tracks

Paper and pen

Penning poems

finding myself

I still loved a girl called Becky

who didn’t love me

I gave up,drinking as my mental health was suffering

Giving up the poison

for my own piece of mind.

Always Start with hope

when you begin your journey,

start with hope

when you build your castle,

start with hope

when you plant your tree,

start with hope

though the night may draw in

and you may lose sometimes

and bruise your skin

remember that hope

and don’t cave in

when you’re at a disadvantage

like when I was born with blue feet with the chord wrapped around my neck

when people said I’d never amount to anything

because they respected my mental health diagnosis more than me

they didn’t see the hope inside my heart

start with hope

that’s the only way

to fight on in darkest of days.

Boy in the corner

Boy in the corner
stares into space
boy in the corner
falls asleep what a disgrace
it’s school, lesson time
learning about life
Boy in the corner
Don’t you want a job and a wife?

teacher makes fun
boy in the corner
why are you a daydreamer?
or are you just dumb?
everyday there stare through you
you feel numb
sadness is the only way
to live your parents blame you
they blame each other
boy in the corner
you will soon have a sister and brother

Boy in the corner
its time for college
aren’t you glad
boy in the corner you lost your temper are you mad?
The question hangs in the air
boy in the corner
with hell in your head
Boy in the corner
you identify with Jesus but he’s dead

Boy in the corner
Now you’re in handcuffs
You told the police your him
in a police cell causing a din
they gave you your sins
told your sectioned
and need correction

Boy in the corner
taken to psychiatric hospital
in police wagon
facing the dragon that is insanity of life
you don’t want to eat
For fear of the devil inside your mind
Hated by yourself and unkind

The only way out is not believe your own lies
Boy in the corner
You will your right your wrongs
Boy in the corner you are strong
Stay strong in the character you have chosen
your heart is hot not frozen

Boy in the corner you will climb that mountain
Experience that kiss
Love that woman
you will come through this
boy in the corner
Your heart is fierce
boy in the corner
You are man
you will make the haters understand.