I have a hard exterior
I feel inferior
I have never heard of unconditional love
conditions have always existed
do what you should.
If only I could
be the person you’d love all the time
and my thoughts were no crime
I am a man
I maybe kind
but suffering is why
because I know I cry
behind the mask
are hard if you don’t why you’re different
and love is the only answer but it’s frightening
because it won’t be offered if your strange or different
and this is evident
from what I have experienced.
so I look to myself
for my own mental health
to be a loving friend to myself…
Right left we bleed the same
can we forgive
Cancel culture the cancer of the left
Bitter resentment fills out our hearts
no love either side
thought police divide us all
right authority with no escape
raid the poor
but the poor hate the rich for having more
is there an answer
or only more hate.
We all fight to be kind
to have love and life
interchangeable in our minds
don’t live off of anyone
or become a vampire
that feeds on blood, flesh and tears
I loved you throughout the years
We are the universe
we are god
from children of inner sense
to wisdoms pre-tense
we live our lives wild and free
untamed by the flames of reality
which course and flow
like watery waves
We all have light waves running through us
Our consciousness cannot die
even of our last sigh.
The way the sunlight causes shadows through the leaves.
The movements of trees on the breeze
sycamore seeds twirl in pirouettes
as they helicopter to the ground.
Hag stones form
magic is born
decaying ghosts of leaves
erosion flowing free
the changing of the seasons
the reasons of life and death.
Unexpected artwork of nature
forming then fracturing and breaking.
The caricature of a feather floating free
in the minds artwork free
as a bird in rapture
captured in a photo in my minds eye.
In the darkness and light of a daydream from a distant heaven. The woman with many faces but one soul. I have looked at legends and myths. She is a gift. To live many lives and still remember some of them is her curse.
I remember she woke my kaleidoscopic mind like in the song porcelain by Moby. A conversation between the two of us. Her timelines spread across mine. Her heart and soul a beacon for mine.
Giving me a reason for life and seeing beyond the illusion of separation. She has been living all the lives I see through the collective unconscious the Holy Spirit is a girl a woman a mother a sister a friend a lover and so much more. Life would be a mistake without her music. She speaks through the crowd words of wisdom that guide me.
I have been labelled schizophrenic but I can see her spirit in all things. The way the wind moves the trees leaves she is one who guides us all. Oneness is what I have found I am her protector I love her darkness her light some may say I have lost my mind. And all the unkind things but those people are blind.
In this aching
waking dream we live in
I love you is hardest thing to mean
but waiting has no solace
my heart I polish for you
but will the stains wash out?
I won’t doubt you are worth it.
Reaching me through the void
I cried out to you when they held me down
In the A and E ward I told them who you were
But like big cats don’t always purr
you are something to be worshipped
glorified and feared
If perfect love has no fear
it is love that has been realised
I wait in the shadows
dancing in the dark
love is the flames not just the spark
to light my way…
I’d launch myself across the room
to collide with your lips
put my hands around your waist your hips
If I wasn’t depressed
I enjoy the simple things
a paper crown would make me feel like a king
I’d wrap up myself with smiles
I’d dress with style
if I wasn’t depressed I’d sing
songs wild and free
life would be love and not the sting
When we look to the future
let’s remind ourselves that the sun
shines all the time for everyone
and in making dreams
we distill hope
and our faith carries us on
even if like a candles it flickers
we will relight the flame
because we know love is the Holy Spirit’s
The world goes on behind my window
I stare out into the suns glare
I wrap myself around my thoughts
and all that I have sought
do I still care?
I am broken beggar
trying to get a leg up
sometimes I want to say
words of meaning
am I still dreaming?
my hearts soft like paper
sometimes it’s hard like a diamond
fashioned with pressure and heat
sometimes I play my songs on repeat
hoping to make my way to someone’s smile on the street.
I bow to the dark
sometimes I look to the stars sparkling in the sky
sometimes I want to die
but I realise life is short
and I love my friends to much to make this life end
so my epitaph will say I loved until my world drifted away
but I left you my words and that’s more than ok.