Hallucinations in my mind
carelessly unkind
stories in time
lies told
the truth smeared like ink
the pen tangled with delusions
confusing skin
I close my mind you enter in
the night howls
I cower
hour by hour
will the sky fall
I dream for us all
or it seems that way
I hallucinate a story
I cannot tell
my own personal hell
and yet heaven resides in there as well.
Sadness doesn’t stain skin
or truth pierce a heart
but I reckon you will feel sadness is life’s art
and contrasting happiness
although not merely pain alleviated
I meditate,
I mediate
between the angel
we try to be
and the devil
who’s eyes we see in the mirror
the constant battle
between letting go
and belonging to the life you know.
The petals which open
the heart awoken
then begin to decay
the love is the same love
as I had first
leaves me cursed
and yet singularly its all I have
a smash and grab
god singular
going for the jugular
a vampire
who’s name has no meaning
blood wine
and bread flesh
can’t contain
the rain that falls
Or the sun that shines
but from your diamond tears
I form mine.
Every night or so it seems
My nightmarish dreams
come into play
fighting my corner
Since I was born yeah
my families stress
won’t let me rest
even if it is in the past
it seems to last
I am a slave
I can’t be saved
Locked in battle I can’t win
A scapegoats sin.
You ask the devil why she can’t save the world
the silence is wounding.
It betrays
slays the meaning,
driven home.
Is god into much of a coma
to answer from his throne?
Alexandria defender of man
The woman who said she was the devil
Who won’t reveal her pain
Only the scars on her wrist
All you needed to save the world was love
Like the scars told me.
Sectioned and arrested for telling the police you thought you were Jesus Christ
life is mad no need to look twice
god dies at 16 without a wife
he kills himself in metaphorical death
living his life as someone else bereft
Of the life he should of led
why do anything dead body but be what’s left?
the only difference between god and devil, is choice?
left alone with a shadow self’s caged voice
life hits like a tidal wave
and it’s a close shave
that no one can save
I am the choice the blade
cutting myself to fit in
rubbing out what I have written
Equally cursed as blessed
the rule of three undressed.
and under stress.
This poem was written from experience of mental illness and psychosis. I believe as pieces of this kaleidoscopic universe we our all God or gods and goddesses in our own right. That may put me at odds with science but that’s what I believe that we are the universe experiencing itself in various depths and levels.
If you give me love
I will give you friendship
if you give me respect
I will be your mirror
if you forgive my faults
I will catapult my soul towards you
if you treat me with compassion
I will fight for you
If you trust me I will grasp your hand
and I will understand
if you give me your time
I will reveal my secrets
if your kindness reaches my heart
I will repay with honesty
all the luck penny’s you wished
when flicking them down the well.
I sit and think of you
Our dates
The courting
the tender kisses
the way you are my Mrs
Our children and the way they’ve grown
the loneliness of our divorce
then I realise it’s all my mind
we haven’t even known each other that long
but in my head our connection our bond
makes we want to belong
in your life
even if it’s just fantasy lived in 10 mins
I feel like I could live a lifetime in your eyes
dreaming under starry skies.