I love you like you are my light and my life
wanted you to be my wife
loved you like a fetish
black like a rubber skirt
the words you say hurt
you cut my heart to ribbons
and still I am giving
my all
in your dominance I fall
I hit the wall
but I drill through
I love you I still do
but I am ruled by you
the wisest thing to do is to walk away
but I can’t eat or breathe without you
I love you I know I am no wimp
maybe I am a simp
but I love you all the same
in our deranged game.
Alienated alone
Friendless in the friendzone
No forks to give in a world of spoons
A real world character in a world of toons
a goon army
that want to harm me
I must be barmy
An only child to a wild man
a Stan to other people
imposter syndrome makes me feel unequal
the film I wrote won’t be a prequel
it’ll be where I stand
to where I finish as a man
This life is bitter
a litter of ironies
this life is a cycle
but the spokes won’t break on this bicycle
I am a nutter
with clutter in my head
I am smart but not book smart
I am art
but in chaos
I am the freedom you find in loss
I am joy but the heartache it cost
I am the I am and I am god
I am the I am but I am a little sod
I am the odd
one out
I am you and your every doubt
the beating second
the way it beckoned
I am reckoning
I reckon
When I reach the end
send
for help
I know I am freedom
this is where I gulp
for air…
I already said I loved you
I already read the words
I already looked for answers
in the sky your heart and the free flying birds
I already grasped for your hand
I already whispered to your soul
I already took the plunge
but fell short of my goal
I already spent days with you
I already kissed your cheek
I already have your voice in my head
I already am that mad every week
the loss of you spiralling and making me sad
the chances are we will never meet again
but I am glad we were once close
I already thought about it already is my ghost…
I was wild and free once upon a time
a child with time and rhymes
but my parents can’t listen
just thought of me being bad
curbing my behaviour
they couldn’t be my saviours
I went quiet wanting to start a riot
It could have gone two different ways
but life strays on to one path
the aftermath of which
made me a background poet
my poetry is the ink I bleed
from wounds I don’t need
My parents need me to be their counsellor
but I can’t
I just can’t…
cycles can be broken
when loves awoken
but sometimes I want to fight back
to see the crack
of light through the walls.
I miss the bad days
the way you hate me
your words reverberate around my head
we are still in conversation
though in my imagination
sex and beastly claws
the way you wanted more than I could give
I cannot live
without thorns a rose wouldn’t be a rose
I am torn our love wasn’t really love without pain
I am just a blood stained hand holding on
a rose
it’s thorns like all your angry words cutting through skin
love is a tragedy we are all flawed within
yet romantic attachment
when it works
can heal the heart and make it beat like it’s going berserk.
In this aching
waking dream we live in
I love you is hardest thing to mean
I wait,
but waiting has no solace
my heart I polish for you
but will the stains wash out?
I won’t doubt you are worth it.
Reaching me through the void
and shadows
I cried out to you when they held me down
In the A and E ward I told them who you were
But like big cats don’t always purr
you are something to be worshipped
glorified and feared
If perfect love has no fear
it is love that has been realised
and actualised
I wait in the shadows
dancing in the dark
love is the flames not just the spark
to light my way…
People like little rivers and tributaries
flowing to the sea
entwined in words with faces dripping in kisses
but I sometimes wonder about what the eye misses;
contact between humans
sometimes we go bone dry because of the shyness of our eyes
which flow with tears
with our fears
which ravage our souls with plastic aspirations
and metallic and jewelled frustrations
has the black phoned mirror stolen our souls?
Or is the water the constant flow of love enough to water our souls?
Tears dry up easily
but my love is still fragility
I tend to my life like a garden
but sometimes you just have to let it grow
even the with the weeds you know aren’t good
life is better when we are understood
and sometimes we have to accept
the trauma that lies dormant
except for times of stress
when it grows nevertheless.
Tired in the daytime after having a good nights rest
being tested all the time by voices which are more than a pest
depressions iron curtains are coming down again
I am in the Misty mountains of pain which I climb daily
and my assailant is attacking me with delusions and fearful paranoia
I think the only hope is to battle with things that can destroy yah
I can sometimes withstand
But the terrible gravity of situation is hard for me to even understand…
I am awake
You are asleep, dreaming
I am screaming
as you break my heart
you are thinking
I am dumbfounded
surrounded by angels who hate me
You are the night and stars
I am the sun
you are my earth my sky
the fire in which we both die
I waited my whole life to burn with you.