There are no Hollywood endings

I am sending you my hopes and prayers

but I swear there will be no Hollywood endings

I am sending you my dreams and aspirations

born of perspiration

and tears

But there are no fairy tales here.

Set sail for distant lands

But it’s all just dust and sand

I know there is magic I heard it on the freezing breeze

in the coughs of old men

but life can’t give you a happy ending

you have to find it yourself

and accept it for what it is…

The girl with many faces do you want me?

They held me down in the hospital

I screamed your name I as the needle punctured my skin

sedated

All I wanted was love

but the angels don’t answer

they just sleep

even the demons weep

is the price too steep?

I broke into house just to talk to one of your many faces

When life is a bruised fruit

do you have the roots

like a tree to rescue me?

heaven is sunlights kiss

but I am in the dark

Our divine spark is pain.

Heart or Hope

Hope speaks

yet my heart feels

tears flow down my cheek

at least I am real

Hope or heart

to feel the pain

Or to look for the sunshine in the rain

Faking smiles

In rooftop terraces

the Ferris wheel of life

let me go off to murder my strife

A vacation for frustration

My heart is black hole

longing and empty, wilful and bold

Hope is bird singing in a distant cage

a heart is strange thing to age

with my ageing heart

I give you my wisdom and advice

but you won’t see the payment I made

the cut and paste words that shade

and shadow this page

the one I didn’t say which are hidden

But pave the way

Heart or hope

I cope and live for brighter days

when sunlight pours onto this desperate stage.

Destroy your roots

Destroy your roots

I am drug that turns on you

that burns you away

as you burn it away.

I am the family you never had

no father.

Just your mother on another planet

she made her career her aim

the lessons in school teaching just blame

I am the church of vampires

who feed off of religion

and superstition

they teach guilt

to the hilt of sword

they wilt words

of love that were meant

and taint the truth

that was heaven sent

I am the college you tried

your peers pried

into your life like gossip

now you try to fit in

but they’ve already written

your story

So beat your roots

stand tall

life maybe governed by walls

but we can still climb over

luck is not just governed by four leafed clovers

to be the change you want see

you have to change your view

set your sights on what you want

if can’t change the words

change the font

at least make your life pretty

all rewrite your story

Be the path out of the ordinary.

The labyrinth of our life

There is kindness here if you can keep it in mind

there is sadness, remorse and discourse

that signals just how much I love you

However I walk in daylight and the rain

and it falls us both no ones to blame

in this labyrinth we have created

love blossoms in your absence

and yet you are with me in the movements of the trees

which seem to be watching me

and the leaves dance to your voice

or am I deluded I have no choice

but to believe.

The story we have weaved

like the rope that we marks our way

you are the light to my day

in the river your tears fall

I die in the labyrinth

calling your name on the wind

Hoping that you will hear it someday

my body decays

but memory stays

in your third eye

can love resurrect? Can it comply?

what was love but hope of your stay

in my heart forever you are with me I pray

for your speech echos in my head

this body but bone skin and sinew

I am lost in my monologue

I end where you begin I begin where you end

the last message I will ever send.

By Dan Hooks AKA Alienpoet

Change your fate

Suicide an shiny empty packet

War on the poor and disabled the governments criminal racket

What we leave behind only pollution

Only distortion

Only a walking abortion

Change your ways and your fate

Don’t give way to hate

Stand firm

We are not worms food

Don’t regret your life in any form

You were given a life from when you were born

Not empty

Or tragic

Give birth to magic

In this pen tangle

Create an angel

Out of the ashes

Of heart shaped gashes

Love is the twin sister of hate

and the dark is to light

Learn to master the fight

and hate inaction

Be the master of action

Leave the page full of words

and the sky full of birds

Which nest in the tree

We have grown

Don’t die alone…

These are the days

There are days when we toy with innocence

there are days when wear despair as our clothes

days when we truly open our eyes

days when we want to keep them closed.

Days when we have to restrain the pain from our hearts

and there are days when that pain departs.

Days when we feel loved in the morning when we wake

and days when we feel so far away from that love

that we just have to hold on and take the love we are given.

Days when we pretend to be free

and days when we really do hold the key

to doors unopened before.

Days when we feel we can take on the world

and days where we hide in the corner.

Days when we appreciate the flowers and fauna

when we see the beauty of a drop of dew on a rose

and see a new religion being formed

a new baby being born.

Days change what we think and who we are

days where we travel near and days we travel far

drink in the moments and savour the day

because its drifting away

and its all we have!

Christmas is cancelled

Tear down the tinsel

put the Christmas tree in the skip

rip down the rope lights

make the Christmas fairy take flight

Santa is in debt

his company in administration

so Christmas is cancelled

the kids will drive us to frustration

but this economy is to blame

so stop making your Christmas pud

let the turkeys run free

stop buying presents from Tesco express

and get the kids a cardboard box instead

let their imagination run wild

Christmas will always exist in the heart of a child.

Songs in psychosis Bio 1

Chemical brothers

Setting sun (setting – grave yard 2003)

Delusions sometimes come in the form of songs. This Chemical Brothers song “Setting sun” takes me back to the September of 2003. My father had been admitted into a psychiatric hospital after a painful (for all concerned) separation from my Mum. I have been facing my own battles as I had been diagnosed schizophrenic only 2 years before. it was a hugely stressful time for me and I had also fallen out with a friend and potential love interest.

In the early September the sun was still shining and is still warm but the leaves were starting to change to a brown tint the promise of autumn chill was on it’s way. All the stress of that and the fact I had with my Psychiatrist’s consent looked to come off my medication. Made me not only depressed but in a rapid cycling spiral like one of those leaves rising and falling with my mood like that leaf upon the wind. There was no way to escape the onset of psychosis and I hurtled towards my fate like a steam train with no brakes speeding towards a signal which was coloured neon red.

In those days I lodged with my boss Dave who had taken me in after my various troubles and dramas with my illness. Anyway he had his Mum staying I remember waking up to strange smells probably forms of smell that were delusions I believed i had heightened sense and my messiah or Jesus complex was rearing it’s ugly head. My Psychosis took me out on Sunday afternoon stroll to the graveyard on the hill by our old victorian gothic style church. Me being me decided in my psychotic state decided that me being Jesus should raise the dead from their graves. This was after I saw that some of the graves had been vandalised. I remember lifting one the head stones back on to it’s other piece I have no idea how I managed to do this. Maybe it was the adrenalin or the chemical imbalance in my brain and body.

I prayed to father God to restore these spirits to their bodies. It of course didn’t happen and made me feel even worse. When you are ill you cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Maybe I was being tested. After praying many times I gave up and laid myself in the corner of the graveyard out of the way from the passers by. I thought I was Jesus and that lead me down the path of being extremely paranoid of being found out and killed. I believed that anyone with the powers of God would be a threat to governments and the people and they would try to suppress or kill me!

I laid with my left arm clutching my stomach and my right arm holding a blade that I imagined in my mind. It felt like my world was ending and I wanted to die. Thats the type of mental pain psychosis brings. The cavernous lows of being buried in the cave of your mind so soon after thinking you have super powers and can raise the dead. I had real reasons to feel this way having seen my Dad struggling with psychosis as well and being medicated. There is nothing worse than being trapped in stressful situations only that of being trapped in your own unkind mind which vilifies you for not being good enough to be human let alone a god.

I had nothing left to give life and the people I loved but the sacrifice of my body and soul I would lay on the grass still dry from the summer sun and die…

However some one answered my prayers to God his dog was the first to come up to me and he gingerly followed. His name was Jon although I believed he was the devil come to tempt me. He asked me who I was and I swear to you even through the years that have passed one of the things I said was “That my body was young but my mind was very old” this was in line with what I had been taught mostly at Sunday school at my local church. Jesus was after all the word of god and had existed throughout time. Maybe if you read the lyrics at the bottom of this blog you will see that lyrics show the devil saying that rather than Jesus but maybe Jesus and the devil are in fact one and the same after all lucifer and Jesus both are bringers of light and gods favourite sons. Anyway I digress.

Me and John talked for a long time and I had visions like the song said. Maybe when you are mad or in madness there can be seen some truth in the insanity that is the world we live in. He I soon realised was very drunk and when he took me to his house down the road to get some help for me his partner who was a nurse and was very drunk also they offered me some alcohol. They didn’t know my back story and thought I was high on drugs.

Eventually Dave and Phil (my friend and neighbour arrived after they managed to get me to remember Dave’s home phone number but Jon and Liz thought there was something dodgy about my friends maybe it was the fact that I was acting so irrationally and that the situation was out of hand. But I am thankful that after an hour of speaking to Phil and Dave they let me go with them. I am also thankful to Jon the good samaritan for his help that day because If he hadn’t of found me I don’t know what would have happed later on with me in that state.

However this part is probably down to Jon being drunk but her swore that he saw a black blade in my hand when he found me and thought that with me clutching my stomach that I stabbed myself…

You’re the devil in me I brought in from the cold

You said your body was young but your mind was very old

You’re coming on strong and I like the way

The visions we had have faded away

You’re part of a life I’ve never had

I’ll tell you that it’s just too bad

You’re coming on strong

You’re showing your colour

Like a setting sun

Where do I begin

Sunday morning I’m waking up

Can’t even focus on a coffee cup

Don’t even know who’s bed I’m in

Where do I start

Where do I begin

Sunday morning I’m waking up

Can’t even focus on a coffee cup

Don’t even know who’s bed I’m in

Where do I start

Where do I begin

Where do I start

Where do I begin

Sunday morning I’m waking up

Can’t even focus on a coffee cup

Don’t even know who’s bed I’m in

Where do I start

Where do I begin

Where do I start

Where do I begin

The change from boy to man (my journey)

I remember my dad calling me a hobbledehoy

neither man or boy

teen ageing is hard
I became a wild card
bottling up my emotions and becoming unstable
I remember the good days and bad
But at sixteen
in my wild dreams
I broke down in sobs and screams
at eighteen
I was diagnosed schizophrenic
but I realise that madness is a pandemic
and most of us will flounder
in its sea of tears