Dear Diary (warning contains themes of depression and self harm)

Written in creative writing class.

 

Dear Diary

It’s 3 am and I still can’t sleep,
When I think of the bullies at school I weep.
In creeps the hunger to cut and purge again,
The cut of the knife hurts me, though it focuses the brain.
Droplets of blood drip onto the floor
Dull and red, one blood stain more.

In my heart loneliness slowly kills
Making me feel isolated and numbing my will.
My parents are caught in their own private war,
Unaware of what’s happening behind my bedroom door.
My parents are furious at my falling marks at school,
However they haven’t noticed the cuts on my arms at all.

I am left in this house which feels unsafe and unlike a home.
I panic when I am left to my own devices all alone.
My breaths come fast, uneven and I feel sick,
Sometimes I can’t breathe at all, my heart races too quick.
When I was at primary school I had good friends.
These days I feel let down, they’ve turned out to be dead ends.

It’s a shame they all left me and shot through,
now bullies flock around like vultures picking at all I say and do.
Last Tuesday I bunked school and spent it walking around town
people stared at me, making me feel even more down.
I was feeling as if no one understood
So I went to a river near a wood.

I made for my house when it was time to go home,
but the school had already contacted my Mum by phone
My furious Dad threatened me with grounding.
I said “I don’t care! I like my own surroundings!”
The truth is I don’t want to feel anything anymore,
So I pick up the knife to cut myself some more…

 

Are you burning bright or burning away

You’re gold?
Yeah gold plated
What’s underneath your skin?

Abbreviated 
Silence longing 

Life sold cheap

You reap what you know 

Selling yourself

Where is it getting your mental health?

To be a make up covered scar

Instead of a star

Chain smoking to fill your time

Life is lived through the eyes of grime

We are in your little band

Miserable we still don’t understand 

Life in conflict makes a good story

You tell yourself I don’t want to be ordinary

Debt ridden though and poor

You’re fighting your invisible war

and yet the people and the politicians don’t care anymore

You tell yourself it’ll get better
The glass half full to aspire

Lights your fire 
are you burning bright

Or burning away.

People you don’t yet know as friends will cry for you in the end

In dark places before we can be found
depression the hangman’s noose
won’t let our feet touch the ground
Won’t let us loose.
Remember the hope we had as children
don’t tie the knot and even when the darkness haunts
remember no mans an island
some of the people you don’t yet know as friends
will cry for you in the end.