Tag Archives: heartache
This wasn’t the life that was advertised
I am surprised
and yet lies
are a belief of some kind
they advertised this life but it has been unkind.
They teased social mobility
the agility to move into the middle class
but aspirations
fall short
they distort
where realised truths stands the door
to the psychiatric ward
where holidays abroad
stand a benefits trap
a DWP map
with no way out
I doubt
I will find a way
into a future a brighter day.
This life isn’t as advertised
through google goggles
through YouTube models
I don’t have a car
three kids and a wife
I have pain and strife
Pessimism is my crutch
no offers or as much
No one gives me a chance at a job
they just call me a benefits slob
I look after my Dad as carer
they swear yeah
even when diagnosed with a serious mental health problem
they think I robbing
tax payers
and no amount of praying
will solve
when the life as advertised dissolves.
In this aching
In this aching
waking dream we live in
I love you is hardest thing to mean
I wait,
but waiting has no solace
my heart I polish for you
but will the stains wash out?
I won’t doubt you are worth it.
Reaching me through the void
and shadows
I cried out to you when they held me down
In the A and E ward I told them who you were
But like big cats don’t always purr
you are something to be worshipped
glorified and feared
If perfect love has no fear
it is love that has been realised
and actualised
I wait in the shadows
dancing in the dark
love is the flames not just the spark
to light my way…
Heaven is heartache
Heaven is heart ache
just beating in my chest
At least it’s still there
It gives me no rest.
I turned down a goddess in her underwear
just so I could play saviour
all my dreams made of paper
nightmares paper cuts
doomed to hear the words of sluts
Starving just to lap up leftovers up
I dream of being a hero
but I am fascinated by the villainess
the heroine is too much of a drug
I slug it out with my mind but depression is a thug
dominating my ever move
I love to dance but my song isn’t my groove
I realised my truth
Sitting in the darkness of my nan’s cupboard under the stairs talking to god
an odd little boy
Who wanted his dreams to matter
Who wanted them to be true
I needed love but I need my beliefs to be real too.
my life’s foundations aren’t love as they ought to be
but wanting to have a special relationship with the creating force or spiritual entity
or maybe to be special or chosen myself
I am the monster who daydreamed blue skies
but when the light in my eyes dies
who will I be?
the man with tears in his eyes for all he let go
the man with tears in his eyes because he never got to let his heart show
someone that they mattered above all
my heart was always a shield or a wall.,,
Panic attack
The breathing, needing distance
Panic attack insistence
beating against the ribs bones and skin
I cannot escape I am chased within
By the a hound I cannot see
It’s agony
My breathing speeds up
I lose my voice
I fear the destroyer of peace of mind
I am the death of kindness
and insistent
to cause such pain
I am agony and fear like death
I am agony and lack of breath
You believe heaven’s a heart beat away
Oh you believe heaven is a heart beat away
It floats away like a summers day
all entrances fade to grey
all your dreams turn to night
you gave away all your sadness it turned to madness and fright
bleeding affray, in moons sight
wolves are wolves
but even they bask under the moons glow
you believe your dreams aren’t hollow
but how many lives must you lead
to know heaven is here it’s every story told
you play a character, you are freedoms child.
The girl with many faces do you want me?
They held me down in the hospital
I screamed your name I as the needle punctured my skin
sedated
All I wanted was love
but the angels don’t answer
they just sleep
even the demons weep
is the price too steep?
I broke into house just to talk to one of your many faces
When life is a bruised fruit
do you have the roots
like a tree to rescue me?
heaven is sunlights kiss
but I am in the dark
Our divine spark is pain.
Three lions may still cry
Lions may still cry
Our hardest opponent
We still battled and tried
4 minutes stretching out in the last chance saloon
Down to 10 men because of injury and doomed
we aimed for the stars
gained our chance
may other chances come
three lions on a shirt
defeat hurts
But the next step needs to be taken
three lions may still roar and awaken
progression, may it be our fate
to awaken a winners state
and battle to the same stage
and this time take our chance
for we invented the this game
football will come home one day again!
Your heart is not my home
I can’t work out whether I feel upset
that I am alone
or that your heart is not my home
I screamed your name in the hospital
When they held me down
and injected me
Love never happens for me
If I could reach out for your hand
and you accepted my words and deeds
maybe it work out differently
but I am a soldier
I fight with the courage of a lion
or maybe I am still trying.