Darkness turning into light

Darkness turning into light

my fright turning into fight

all sadness I restrained

turned into love

my eyes focused on her

my picture on the wall

a flower opening her petals like wings 

begins to make me sing 

I know my true foes are triumph and disaster 

both are foolish things to master

I am time 

the fading 

into blades of grass

then emerging into the everlasting 

I am cast into the fiery furnaces of hell

tempered by water the river banks swell 

the steel of sword that comes out my mouth

Will protect the people I love

but sometimes will fly away like doves

and the bullets fired 

Will miss

and we will kiss them away

with words that heal

and reveal

hidden truths

like super sleuths

and detectives

that are respected.

Killed by a million insensitive words

Words go deep

they creep into my scars and wounds

I cannot tell that you meant it or not

or even realise the damage you cause

I know I am flawed 

But sometimes you love me open mouthed with the things that come from your jaw 

they are too raw.

If you strangle me it would be cleaner 

but your words are meaner

do you mean what you say?

Your words spray 

Cut like a split artery 

hurt people hurt people 

but sometimes evil is insensitivity

callous chaos 

I cry 

and want to die 

emotion abuse

obtuse 

and won’t relent 

I can’t vent or your words will grow worse 

and more vicious 

you and I are from different worlds 

and I can tell

that you believe I sometimes belong in hell.

This life

This life chaotic 

hypnotic 

energy rushes 

gushes all around me

A sea of endless particles of pain 

I look for the sunshine within the rain

the rainbows light

all fight leaves me

but I won’t give into its spite

the hate breathes

makes you believe 

In humanities downfall

It’s a tall order

living this life in the borders of strife 

where there’s no passport to any heaven 

or any country in that region 

the engine

the cogs of the machine

have us enslaved

even lucifer when he stood up to god

was thrown down and fell

into hell.

This life is pernicious cruel and harsh

most kindness is given by hard graft

and the silence is sometimes the only thing 

that makes us less daft 

for in speaking harsh words are sprayed 

like bullets across the page

or in our ears 

giving us fear and tears 

that scar our sanity 

in this reality 

where we study someone’s psyche 

but not its creator the hater who crafted their malice and spite

and if we don’t realise that they in turn were also formed from people who didn’t always give a fuck 

and told them their so called inner truth

Just to toughen them up,

and yet they didn’t water them with love

or feed them with grace

they deliberately chastised their minds

with words that were unkind

just to make them their clones

the worker unquestioning drones 

You shouldn’t base your life

on the ideals and ideas 

of people who gave way to fears 

and insecurities

give your life to making yourself you

a loving kind person a shining beacon a colourful hue.

My third face(the one I never show)

This poem was written from the prompt of a Japanese proverb

That we all have three masks

One to the world

One to friends family

One when we are alone

This is one I wear when I am alone

Angry and aggressive

for justice and justification

in this suffocation

In this isolation.

Powerful, beautiful and strong

Among no one

I bleed the some of my cause

and all my flaws

But angel or demon I open doors

locked

Gun cocked

and ready to fire

Let’s go to the wire

and win

I escape into the mask within

that I do not show

I grow into a man with wings

to fly on the winds

of change

I rearrange

The strange flow of my words

the poet grasps at the meaning

he’s dreaming…

I live at the borders of your life

I seem to live at the borders of your life

I don’t have a passport to visit your country

I live at your borders

we both know people and have mutual friends

but we both know love doesn’t hide in your heart for me

it’s protected by metaphorical dogs security guards walls and gates

I would love to see you but we never worked

I wish you well

time will tell

if my decisions were correct

I still pray for you and respect your decisions

you have a family and a bright burning life

I live alone and have no wife

or children

I live in the land of could have been

but with all I have seen

this life passes by like a dream

and all our plans and schemes

can fail

and we flounder in the dark

where we lose our spark

but love is a door without a key

to me.

Strength unbowed

Strength unbowed

Savaged by words

but unbowed

and unbroken

I wish I wasn’t bothered

I wish I didn’t care

courage is sometimes acknowledging our fear

using it to drive us on

the art of leaning on adrenaline

sometimes I rattle the cage

the only war I wage is to be heard

above the caterwauling cattle

who prattle on.

but sometimes I know we all need to be heard

so I go silent for days

the only words are prayers

so strength is adaption

and love is peace

feast upon silence

don’t turn it into violence

fight for yourself because no one else will

it’s a bitter pill

that makes me depressed and ill

but I will fight until I can no more

because life is flawed

and we stand alone

Heavens our home

It was at the start

before our hearts

got jaded

My body may fade

but words are sharp as the day they were uttered

may you live a life without the clutter

of weak words.

Jesus I am alone

The heartaches when I am in my home

pretending people are with me

my heart is a icy block a sullen stone

Sometimes in solitudes den

I pretend that I am free when

I am on my own

I am just recovering from life’s traumas

Sometimes I pretend I am jesus in a tomb

in my living room

waiting to roll away the stone

and be free with people who love me

but often people talk over my ideas

and conversation

I know I am alone

but with the voice in my head I never truly am

life is painful but I know I am!

alive and fighting wrestling with life’s gaping questions

and although people won’t agree with me

I am the marks the footprints I have left

I am the ideas that crept into your head from a poem I wrote years ago

my life is art

and it drives my heart

but like paper sometimes I am lost in the bin

of life

sometimes in mundane drudgery we find that life is unkind

but it’s the only one I have…

Singing

Singing like a weird squirrel in my head voice

the choice

of what to sing

some times I cling to easier ones to do

sometimes pitching songs I haven’t got a clue

The unusual warm up exercises

Lip trills, support through breath control

Pitching notes

fingers in mouth tongue twisters

flattening the tongue

annunciating pronunciation

makes sure you hit the notes

Getting the dynamics right in the song

highs and lows

Emotions flowing strong

feeling the rhythm

and the bass and beats

when it’s hard to pitch

don’t retreat

I know my voice is low and rather than a tenor or a baritone I am a base

but I love singing and creating songs

look at my smiley face!

Alice in chains

Chained through your timelines

you say release you from the curse

the curse of loving me.

I know the bite of your mouth

the viscous vicious nature of your tongue

We both see things from only our point of view

a blood red hue.

You try to reach me through the crowd

Sometimes I hear you loud

and sometimes you whisper

like the wind

This is my curse to know the truth

while in denial

there is no proof

I fight a desperate battle to be heard

maybe you will one day.

In the overtones of songs are the echoes of the promise we made

over every grass blade

our delirium

our love

our blood song curse

we are chained to the words we have said

they flow in our veins

I am your twin flame but we are caught in tragedy

separated

by lies

and our clones who stand as jealous spies

You are the light in my eyes

the only one.

The cure to the disease

The cure to the disease

Sparkling and wondrous

the cure to the disease

Experiencing unease

take these pills

tiny white capsules

that won’t make you ill

distilled love

wonder from above

the cure like forest bathing.

misbehaving

often the cure is the disease of a life

lived without regrets

all targets missed and not met

But to try

is to live and not die

a love fragile

but agile enough to succeed

to bleed is to be alive

To breathe is to thrive

the madness the sickness

is to expect no pain

no sadness in the rain

sunshine that burns the skin

balance is boring

whatever gets you through

is the life you choose to do