The warmth of a fire
in a welcoming home.
The way the words settled I was not alone,
time spent with friends
the tying of loose ends
and memories made in all seasons
reasons why we made this place is home
the love and friendship I was shown
whether playing board games with others
or just laying and chilling out under bed covers
we made this our home
and we feel safe and respected
with freedom to roam.
In the days when the exception they say
doesn’t need correction.
we are all creative
but some have it beaten out of us
at some stage
the war the exceptional person rages
is either to have their words heard
or to keep their creative side alive
and not have it brutalised or strangled
an Angel or messenger of light
has to fight to maintain their angle of light
and their perspective and sight.
In this aching
waking dream we live in
I love you is hardest thing to mean
I wait,
but waiting has no solace
my heart I polish for you
but will the stains wash out?
I won’t doubt you are worth it.
Reaching me through the void
and shadows
I cried out to you when they held me down
In the A and E ward I told them who you were
But like big cats don’t always purr
you are something to be worshipped
glorified and feared
If perfect love has no fear
it is love that has been realised
and actualised
I wait in the shadows
dancing in the dark
love is the flames not just the spark
to light my way…
My search has ended
When two worlds collided
I expected fireworks
but they burn away
Fiz pop and bang
then no longer are a thing.
I love you but colours fade
I love you
my deeper shade my midnight blue
I know this life’s a prison for some
but I love it’s sweet bitter agony
sometimes
it’s the loneliness I hate.
Here’s a hand here’s a slap
here’s life without a map
parents too busy discuss
never mind get to know their children and trust in them
stem the flow.
I was raised by cartoon heroes
and superhero shows
and the games I played
sonic on the mega drive I never strayed
from their ideals
but my happiness was stolen
by those who created my tears
I missed out on my parents knowing what I could have been if they had of listened through the years.
Tired in the daytime after having a good nights rest
being tested all the time by voices which are more than a pest
depressions iron curtains are coming down again
I am in the Misty mountains of pain which I climb daily
and my assailant is attacking me with delusions and fearful paranoia
I think the only hope is to battle with things that can destroy yah
I can sometimes withstand
But the terrible gravity of situation is hard for me to even understand…
No matter how you change the font
words stay the same
I know I am not your type, am I to blame?
I could be made of muscles with six pack and broad shoulder and arms of Steel
but I am not
I could be a scientist with a silver tongue eloquent or just very well hung
I am me there is only one version of myself
I can’t change
or rearrange
I realise my limitations
I won’t be able to perform and act as an imitation
I am who I am
Love me or let me go
for its you I love I know you know!
I’d launch myself across the room
to collide with your lips
put my hands around your waist your hips
If I wasn’t depressed
I enjoy the simple things
a paper crown would make me feel like a king
I’d wrap up myself with smiles
I’d dress with style
if I wasn’t depressed I’d sing
songs wild and free
life would be love and not the sting
Of fear.
I am awake
You are asleep, dreaming
I am screaming
as you break my heart
you are thinking
I am dumbfounded
surrounded by angels who hate me
You are the night and stars
I am the sun
you are my earth my sky
the fire in which we both die
I waited my whole life to burn with you.
This dreaming is dark
But I won’t lose my spark
sanity is a perspective
I don’t stand for the collective
the curtains I sit behind are walls
the fractured voice of someone I love calls
and tells me she hates and berates me
in the darkness of my mind
her unkindness
blinds me.
Binds me to the certainty that life is unfair
will it ever be repaired?
The stigma attached to me lies
the fire in my heart won’t die
and maybe I enlightened or frightened
of this form
since I was a daydreamer, after I was born
the storm of intrusive thoughts
the delusions in which I am caught
and I will argue that the stories I tell myself are yours too
you just aren’t boogie man blue
You think we are different
I am just medicated and irreverent
to this constructed reality
which you think is concrete
but where angels fear to tread I won’t retreat..,