Tag Archives: pain

Strength unbowed

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Strength unbowed

Savaged by words

but unbowed

and unbroken

I wish I wasn’t bothered

I wish I didn’t care

courage is sometimes acknowledging our fear

using it to drive us on

the art of leaning on adrenaline

sometimes I rattle the cage

the only war I wage is to be heard

above the caterwauling cattle

who prattle on.

but sometimes I know we all need to be heard

so I go silent for days

the only words are prayers

so strength is adaption

and love is peace

feast upon silence

don’t turn it into violence

fight for yourself because no one else will

it’s a bitter pill

that makes me depressed and ill

but I will fight until I can no more

because life is flawed

and we stand alone

Heavens our home

It was at the start

before our hearts

got jaded

My body may fade

but words are sharp as the day they were uttered

may you live a life without the clutter

of weak words.

Jesus I am alone

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The heartaches when I am in my home

pretending people are with me

my heart is a icy block a sullen stone

Sometimes in solitudes den

I pretend that I am free when

I am on my own

I am just recovering from life’s traumas

Sometimes I pretend I am jesus in a tomb

in my living room

waiting to roll away the stone

and be free with people who love me

but often people talk over my ideas

and conversation

I know I am alone

but with the voice in my head I never truly am

life is painful but I know I am!

alive and fighting wrestling with life’s gaping questions

and although people won’t agree with me

I am the marks the footprints I have left

I am the ideas that crept into your head from a poem I wrote years ago

my life is art

and it drives my heart

but like paper sometimes I am lost in the bin

of life

sometimes in mundane drudgery we find that life is unkind

but it’s the only one I have…

Alice in chains

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Chained through your timelines

you say release you from the curse

the curse of loving me.

I know the bite of your mouth

the viscous vicious nature of your tongue

We both see things from only our point of view

a blood red hue.

You try to reach me through the crowd

Sometimes I hear you loud

and sometimes you whisper

like the wind

This is my curse to know the truth

while in denial

there is no proof

I fight a desperate battle to be heard

maybe you will one day.

In the overtones of songs are the echoes of the promise we made

over every grass blade

our delirium

our love

our blood song curse

we are chained to the words we have said

they flow in our veins

I am your twin flame but we are caught in tragedy

separated

by lies

and our clones who stand as jealous spies

You are the light in my eyes

the only one.

The cure to the disease

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The cure to the disease

Sparkling and wondrous

the cure to the disease

Experiencing unease

take these pills

tiny white capsules

that won’t make you ill

distilled love

wonder from above

the cure like forest bathing.

misbehaving

often the cure is the disease of a life

lived without regrets

all targets missed and not met

But to try

is to live and not die

a love fragile

but agile enough to succeed

to bleed is to be alive

To breathe is to thrive

the madness the sickness

is to expect no pain

no sadness in the rain

sunshine that burns the skin

balance is boring

whatever gets you through

is the life you choose to do

Occupied/possessed

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I have been occupied

Like the sign on a toilet cubicle

I have been subjected to your ridicule

Your voice comes and goes

like the wind that blows

Maybe my heart was hollow

and needed to be possessed

but now I cannot rest.

Schizophrenia awareness day Poem

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Schizophrenia and the caveman

I dreamt of telling stories

forged in magic and music.

I heard voices of gods

angels and demons

In the flickering flames

that kept me warm.

It was part of my evolution

but sometimes

did wisdom is seen as mental illness

Nowadays I am known as a schizophrenic

I was a caveman with a shamans knowledge

Now they say I am something to be feared

When I was just reaching out

to understand.

This life (my life so far)

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People tell me it’s easy to reach forty

I waged a war to get here

At 10 years old I ran away

a post man found me

and delivered me back to my mum

At 16 psychosis blew my mind

always out of step with time

At 18 I found poetry and rhyme

but suicidal tendencies stuck in my mind

At 21 I climbed a mountain in foreign land to see the Dawn

At 25 I wrote a letter to myself at 16

Because although I saw stars I still bore the scars

from my breakdowns

At 30 I pressed the reset button

and found myself in hospital again

but my life twisted and turned my heart burned

I found creative writing course which inspired at 32

I recited poetry on the radio too

and fought for community projects

to advertise and endorse

At 40 I live my life

I show love and remorse

I fight to live but that’s what life is for me

but in between moments of pain and work

Is the happiness I desired and the freedom I planted like the seeds that formed a tree

I sit in their shade

One day my body will fade

but I will be a soul free in the wind

guiding others my kin.

Not my King!

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Not my king

Not my government

not my establishment.

I resent you all

who can stand tall

and not be beaten

or arrested in protests

who can stand tall?

when people are so restless?

who can stress less

when all around suffer

where is the buffer

for the cost of living

where is freedom of speech

replaced by law and order unforgiving

us.

We may all curse and cuss under our breath

no freedom to protest cause we might cause a nuisance

law and order just an excuse

to beat down on us through and through

no freedom

when we just accept

that this law and order just crept into view

grew out of our fears through and through

they’ll come for us and they’ll come for you

they’ll lock up our children too in this state wide prison.

No money for services or the epidemics of mental illnesses

as they cause us will full distress

and keep the peace through an iron fist

like the fascists we were told to hate and malign

written underneath law and order wins

fists of the police hit our chins

meanwhile the prime minister grins

as his profits hit the roof

the truth is lost under parliaments roof.

The history of words

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Words have a history

it’s not a mystery

If you do the research

from racist toys

for girls and boys

we have to respect

words have a history

and so do objects

so please have some respect

and acknowledge the implications

we all want to be loved above stereotypes

and life is cannot be lived in present only;

history matters

and leaves us sometimes in tatters

words will often leave us broken

hurting us more than sticks and stones

and broken bones.

Simp-pathetic ?

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I love you like you are my light and my life

wanted you to be my wife

loved you like a fetish

black like a rubber skirt

the words you say hurt

you cut my heart to ribbons

and still I am giving

my all

in your dominance I fall

I hit the wall

but I drill through

I love you I still do

but I am ruled by you

the wisest thing to do is to walk away

but I can’t eat or breathe without you

I love you I know I am no wimp

maybe I am a simp

but I love you all the same

in our deranged game.